The Fatal Flaw of God
by AKAAkira
Summary: When a heavenly spell errs, placing him in a civil war, Keima is left with no choice but to struggle on or surrender. Either way, his gaming time is cut down, in addition to having to choose between the citizens of Hell, or his digital subjects.
1. Prologue

**Summary: **When a heavenly spell errs, placing him in a civil war, Keima is left with no choice but to struggle on or surrender. Either way, his gaming time is cut down, in addition to having to choose between the citizens of Hell, or his digital subjects.

Takes place after the whole thing with Vintage, in a timeline where all of the goddesses remain on Earth with their hosts.

_**A/N Prologue. As usual, it doesn't have a direct relation to the story – that starts from the next chapter. Still, I do think this is a very nice lead-up to it.**_

_**Enjoy.**_

_**EDIT:**_**_As of chapter 194, I should probably clarify: this is an AU (alternate universe), or more specifically AR (alternate reality), that uses the same time-travel concept but brings back Keima, the goddesses, and Haqua 300 years into the past, landing them in Hell, while in canon only Keima goes back only 10 years. Also, since this started before the goddesses arc finished, Mercury's character is a bit different._**

******Disclaimer: The World God Only Knows is owned by Tamiki Wakaki. I own absolutely nothing in relation to this work, except for the plot of this particular story.**

* * *

Prologue

_The place was a wasteland. There was no other way to say it._

_It was utterly uninhabited. Cold stone sculptures and buildings had been left unattended for years, leaving much of the city chipped, cracked, and worn. There was nary a square centimetre of glass that hadn't been broken into at least five pieces. What little metal there is left was badly rusted; even a touch would send a finger's volume worth of particles tumbling down into the overgrown weeds._

_For a floating isle, this city was impressively dreary._

_Still, on the grounds that had been devoid of life for at least a century, two women were loitering with some form of wonder in their eyes, as if it had once been a location of magnificent esteem, though that was more than could be said now. The blue-haired woman tilted her head backwards, looking at a dilapidated clock tower taller than Big Ben, though its use was now debatable since the clock surface had been blackened, rendering it unreadable._

_The other woman, the black-haired one, spoke first. "What a great irony…all because they attacked the wrong place!" She laughed._

_The blue-haired woman was not amused. "I did not invite you here to laugh at my city."_

"_It's yours only in name. Must have been such a bittersweet experience at your inheritance, wasn't it, Queen Haqua?"_

_The blue-haired woman lowered her head. The black-haired woman laughed again._

_Eventually, Queen Haqua spoke. "I've always thought it was suspicious, when they said they never wanted to go back. But…I never thought more about it. Never had wondered. I…I was too content with my life. Only when…my loved one died…and our circle broke. Only then…and only when all six…finally started dying…one by one."_

_She finally raised her head, and there were tears trailing down from her eyes. Still, her eyes were fierce and her expression remained stubborn. She gripped the items in her hand – a rusted game console and a glasses case – tighter. "To think that…something like this would happen to Hell…I can agree that it's an irony. But…it's such a pitiful one…! So please don't laugh about such a painful thing…"_

"_Hmm." The black-haired woman still had a smirk on her face, but she continued with, "Yes, I'll concede that it's not terribly funny. They had, after all, been targeting several of my disciples. Though, to think they completely confused themselves and hit this unremarkable isle out of a thousand possible locations!" She shook her head. "Fate never ceases to amaze me. And for them to think they got away with it, too! What a pompous message they left behind!"_

_One might wonder what message she was referring to, but Queen Haqua had already seen it. So she knew that from a bird's-eye view the town square they were currently standing in hadn't been disturbed, or at least not accidentally. She almost growled out loud at the provocation that had been painted on with red blood, the sentence that she had been forced to read._

"_EVEN GODS CAN DIE."_


	2. The Worst Possible Ending

**Summary: **When a heavenly spell errs, placing him in a civil war, Keima is left with no choice but to struggle on or surrender. Either way, his gaming time is cut down, in addition to having to choose between the citizens of Hell, or his digital subjects.

Takes place after the whole thing with Vintage, in a timeline where all of the goddesses remain on Earth with their hosts.

_**A/N Speed-typed, because I really really wanted to get this idea into the fandom first. Surprised it's not been done already, though I have to say, there's a surprisingly small number of stories in for a fandom that was number three in popularity in Mangafox.**_

_**As noted by the timeline placement, it's gonna be AU, unless for some reason the author ends the story after the Goddesses Arc and leaves the ending ambiguous. Not gonna happen.**_

_**This will be a little…unusual for a TWGOK fic. It's not going to spectacularly leap off into the love end. No, this one's going into war. Why? Well, all's fair in both, innit?**_

_**More seriously, I've decided I need practice juggling as many characters as I can cram in at once (though, inevitably, some just are going to remain flat), and write "big" events. Let's see how well I do.**_

_**One last note – I dropped the honourifics usage. More out of laziness, since I don't want to keep track of what at least twenty-four people are going to respectively call Keima's name, and vice-versa. So I've forced all things name-related into Western usage.**_

_**Enjoy the story.**_

_**EDIT:**_**_As of chapter 194, I should probably clarify: this is an AU (alternate universe), or more specifically AR (alternate reality), that uses the same time-travel concept but brings back Keima, the goddesses, and Haqua 300 years into the past, landing them in Hell, while in canon only Keima goes back only 10 years. Also, since this started before the goddesses arc finished, Mercury's character is a bit different._**

**Disclaimer: The World God Only Knows is owned by Tamiki Wakaki. I own absolutely nothing in relation to this work, except for the plot of this particular story.**

* * *

The Capturing God _never_ fails. It's not even an option! Such a selection will never be unlocked even after defeating the main campaign!

…_But_, if – and I say, _if _– I, Keima Katsuragi, the Capturing God of the holy internet, the ultimate tactician against ten thousand galges, and the undefeated conqueror of virtual female minds – if I ever, which I must repeat painfully, _ever_, get a School Days-worthy ending…

I can say with resigned confidence that Tsukiyo Kujyou will be the final heroine standing.

One of the reasons was evident today, upon opening my eyes to the gray morning light, after a fruitful night of playing games in my bed. What greeted me was the sight of a deicidal goddess, currently possessing a small doll named Luna, who was holding an ill-gotten axe.

Over my head.

"Good morning, vermin," it projected pseudo-sweetly. "I have been charged with bringing your body to your concubines. We can bring it downstairs whole or in pieces, the choice is up to you, though I must say that as ugly as you look, it may be easier on our eyes to bring you in pieces."

"Vulcan," Tsukiyo scolded.

From this, I could draw several interpretations. The first was that, rather obviously, Vulcan was sadistic (which was what gave Tsukiyo such a violent advantage). In addition, Vulcan did not like me at all. Tsukiyo's rebuke indicated she held different feelings about me. However, her lack of physical action also meant that she was half-hearted in her attempt to prevent a decapitation. Her discomfort was easily explained with the "concubine" comment. Out of seven billion people in the world, only five people could fit that word in Vulcan's context.

Ayumi Takahara. Kanon Nakagawa. Shiori Shiomiya. Yui Goidou. Tenri Ayukawa.

At least two of them must be downstairs, for reasons I cannot yet fathom. However, if Tsukiyo's unhappiness was any indicator, the friction within the group must be just short of palpable. If I was to see them, for whatever reason they have to see me, I may be forced to accommodate their tension until they are (temporarily) quelled, before even getting to their initial reason for the visit.

Meaning, no games.

Unacceptable!

"My stomach hurts," I moaned. "Ow! This must be…what they call a cramp. I can't even get out of my bed…! I'm sorry…you'll have to go on without me."

With that act done, I swept the covers over my head, and in the darkness I turned my PFP on, intent on returning to my wonderful world with Yokkyun.

Unfortunately, I forgot an important principle of the Real World; it sucked. Specifically, the Law of the Nonexistent Fourth Wall manifested in the form of the axe sinking into the soft bed surface, right between my head and the PFP. I was not sure what I should be more concerned about: the fact that I almost lost my arms, or the fact that I can no longer see the PFP's screen.

…What am I talking about? Obviously, I should be more worried for my arms. After all, I am the God of Conquest; I can play my games without even looking at my portable system.

Before I had a chance to, however, my entire bed suddenly tipped sideways; I yelped as I tumbled off, protecting my expensive console as I landed on the floor hard. I checked to make sure I haven't lost progress, and then stared up – right in the face of Luna.

"My patience wanes. You are moving now!"

"No!" I yelled, anchoring to my upturned bed just as Vulcan yanked on my foot, the result being my sock being pulled off and Luna zooming across the room and out the door. Then I heard a _crash_ that sounded like it hurt. At least, I hope it did.

"Thank goodness," I sighed, checking my PFP for damage in the dim gray light coming in through the windows. "Now I can date Yokkyun in peace…"

_Click!_ went my PFP as _someone_ telepathically opened it and made the optical disc float out.

"AAAGH!" I dove towards my UMD, but it was too late – the precious bundle already flew out of my reach, right into the waiting Luna's hands.

"THIS is what you call dating?" the goddess screamed. "A tiny, unremarkable, inanimate, and ugly SPHERE that you can PURCHASE? That you have several THOUSAND copies of in this house ALONE? You spent the vast majority of your life endearing THIS?"

Gah! This goddess was honestly annoying! I almost yelled back, but I contained my emotions. After all, I cannot blame an unbeliever for being ignorant, now can I?

"Hmph!" I said coolly, adjusting my glasses carefully. "For a goddess, you ask many rhetorical questions. However, I must accept that you have not yet been enlightened, so I will make every attempt to fully sate your curiosity. Perhaps then you will see how wonderful this is. The answer to all of your questions is – of course!"

Vulcan left the disc on the floor and lifted her axe.

"NONONONONONO! Please no I beg you anything but that punish me instead she doesn't deserve it show mercy! You're a goddess! SHOW MERCY, PLEASE!"

"You are vexing, human! However, as this appears to be something important to you, I will avoid harming this." With that, Luna floated to Tsukiyo and placed it in one of the pockets of her ruddy, heavy-looking coat. Tsukiyo, looking half-amused but half-peeved, glanced to me semi-apologetically.

I, on the other hand, was relieved. Tsukiyo wasn't the violent type, so I should have nothing to fear for my game.

It occurred to me too late that I should fear for myself, instead. Unfortunately, by that point, Luna had already grabbed me, sent me afloat, and yanked me out into the hallway.

"Keima Katsuragi, I believe you have several tolls outstanding."

And then Vulcan literally threw me down the stairs.

* * *

**Chapter 1 – **

_The Worst Possible Ending_

* * *

The Vintage affair was a messy one, and one that I was glad to be done with. However, it made at least one situation slightly more complicated.

Usually, Hell mind-wiped people who had anything to do with Loose Souls after the Weiss had been captured. They still wanted to do so now, even though the non-buddy humans involved no longer had gaps in their hearts. That couldn't exactly happen, however, because the goddesses that had taken the Weiss' places routinely fried any and all mind-altering machinery and/or spells in a fifty-kilometre radius, citing something about respecting their friend's memories and also something about fantasies that they were not willing to risk being seen by anyone else. Thus, Hell had no choice but to shrug, to wonder what said fantasies were, and to largely leave the six deities alone.

The goddesses, for some reason, did not or could not return to heaven. My best guess was that they still lacked the power, despite Mercury and Diana managing to destroy the Vintage base and free their sisters. (Or perhaps _because_ of it; they had slept for three straight days after the ordeal.) And as each goddess had repeatedly told me, their powers come through love, which means they may have to remain on Earth for years until someone came along with enough goodness in their hearts to send them literally flying. Tough luck.

With their memories now protected, the hosts knew the entire story behind my need to conquer them, twice. All of them were surprisingly good-natured about it – Ayumi even went as far as to call off the wedding I promised her, saying that I was under no obligation if I had been forced. Unfortunately, all of them also had the persistence of adhesive manacles; none of them were _quite_ willing to let me go. This was what placed them in conflict with each other, though they tried not to show it. It was made no better by their goddesses mostly cheering them on, or in Minerva's case, constantly placing overdue books into my schoolbag to force me to the library. For the most part, I tried to ignore them, though as the one who conquered them in the first place, I didn't have the heart to reject them.

However, Diana had overestimated. Though the resurrection of the Weiss had been prevented, the goddesses' power was not enough reseal them, even with all six gathered. Apparently there was no way even the goddesses could wrench anything out of a heart, a fact that Diana had not known until recently. (In hindsight, it was so obvious – if it could be done, I wouldn't have needed to conquer the hosts in the first place.) This meant that, eventually, there will be another Real girl that I will have to conquer, despite _six_ that I already have clinging on my back. Naturally, no one was happy about this, I least of all.

And just to make things worse, Hell had seen fit to place _another_ detonating collar on me. Fully primed. Not on Elsie; _me_.

For the love of… Why is the Real being so brutal? It's not like I'm such a dislikable character that people are going to get a kick out of seeing my head being blown up twice!

Or so I thought. Who knows; perhaps Real really was this ruthless. It would certainly explain the six – not two, not three, _six_ – girls, soaked and mostly avoiding each others' eyes, around one of the café's tables.

"Why are you _all_ here?"

Yui Goidou was the only one grinning. She pulled her hair out of the neck of her yellow polo shirt as she declared, "Ahaha, truly a most amusing tale. You see, these ladies and I, on account of the dreadful weather outside –"

"You're a girl too," Ayumi Takahara muttered.

The former immediately looked insulted. "I beg your pardon! My dear, I had thought you a kind, pensive, and delicate friend of mine! Had I known the degree of your coarse prose and petrifying face, I would've had you removed immediately from influencing my Keima with your rank gorgonic influences!"

Ayumi flushed. "That – like _you_ have a reason to talk!"

"Moving on," my mother cut in, handing out several cups of coffee or tea to every guest – Yui had moved on to lamenting the "ailing of a flower" and Ayumi sounded like she was trying to defend herself, though she couldn't get a word in – "imagine my surprise, Keima, when all these girls came to our house to ask for an umbrella! Now, me knowing the delicateness of the female heart –" I highly doubted this – "of course I invited everyone inside, out of the rain, to talk with their favourite boy!" She leaned in close, and removed her glasses, then _glared_ at me. "Don't you f****** dare copy your father, hear? Make a baby before you're married, and I'll castrate you!"

Someone choked and coughed. I noticed Shiori Shiomiya set down her mug and quickly wipe away at her blouse as I responded with, "Of course not."

"Good, good! Now, enjoy yourselves, everyone! Cookies are coming in half an hour!" And with that my mother moved back to the kitchen, where the scent of baked bread was crawling in from. I could already tell she used too much sugar.

I glanced back at the table. "All of you tried to use the same story?"

Kanon Nakagawa – where did she get the time out of her job as an idol? – squirmed a little. "It wasn't a story," she mumbled. "It really was pouring outside, you know."

"Really." Then I stared at Tenri Ayukawa. "But you live right next door. Why didn't you just head back inside, if it was raining so hard?"

The girl grimaced. "You caught us."

"Spoilsport," sighed Apollo's voice from somewhere. Kanon immediately clasped shut her handbag.

By this point, Ayumi was yelling words that my mother probably didn't mind only because of her past in a biker gang, with Mercury's amused voice popping some suggestions, while Yui criticized Ayumi for her tongue and lack of tact. I listened for about two seconds before I decided enough was enough.

I pulled out my PFP, popped in a spare game that luckily didn't get damaged from Vulcan's throw, and started playing.

Said goddess grumbled, "Do I need to take another one hostage?"

"I would prefer you not. But since none of you seem to have any point to being here, I may as well occupy myself until the weather clears."

I heard Diana's voice exclaim, "We do have a point! Tenri, go tell him!"

"Erm, okay," Tenri murmured. "I was planning to say, if my first attempt didn't –"

"Not that part."

"Oh, right. Um, how about we tell each other ghost stories?"

"OOOOOOHH!" someone yelled excitedly into my ear. I winced, but kept playing. "Ghost stories? I LOVE ghost stories!"

"Oh, hi Elsie! …Who are you dragging?"

Absurd enough as that question was, it caught my attention, and I took a moment to save before looking away for the moment required to see a struggling cocoon, thoroughly wrapped in Elsie's pink scarf.

"Oh, this?" Elsie said proudly. "It's Haqua! I found her by the door, and I thought my brother would want to see her, so I brought her inside!"

"…Why did you wrap her, then?"

"I thought she got cold outside."

I smirked. Addressing the cocoon, I drolly said, "You let _Elsie_ catch you?"

"Shut up!" came the muffled reply. With obvious difficulty, some strands of the scarf eventually parted enough to reveal one eye. "Why is this place full?"

"Nevermind that, why are you here?" Diana said, her voice a little suspicious.

"W-why am I – n-none of your business! It's – it's not like I was here to ask for an umbrella or anything! Nope, why should I?"

"Because you don't even need one? You have your magical cloth, after all."

"And because everyone else used the same story? I guess your intention's the same as ours, then."

Haqua didn't say anything for a moment, the room being filled with Ayumi and Yui's heated discussion instead. I took the opportunity to initiate another virtual flag.

Then, out of the cocoon burst a scythe so large it nearly scraped the ceiling. Haqua's arms followed, then her head, as she crawled outside and heaved a deep breath.

"Aww, my raiment!"

"Shut up, it'll regenerate."

"How did that scythe fit in the cocoon?" I asked curiously.

"Auto-summon spell," several voices said at once, Diana and Haqua definitely being two of them, and I think Vulcan's too. I raised an eyebrow but left it, reading through the dialogue at the same time. Haqua looked a little unsure, standing in place.

"Tenri! You were talking about ghost stories, right?"

"Oh, yes, thank you Elsie. I was going to, um, suggest we tell each other ghost stories, and since it's so gloomy outside, we have the perfect atmosphere…"

As if on cue, lightning flashed. If I ever get my hands on Real's scriptwriter, I was _soo_ going to strangle him for making the foreshadowing as palpable as a brick elephant…

Tenri hesitated, and then continued, "And I was going to suggest we stake Keima's love for whoever is scared the least!"

_BOOM!_ went the thunderclap, right as she finished.

When it was silenced, it was chillingly quiet. Everyone's eyes – even mine – were on her.

Okay, I must admit. Perhaps said scriptwriter had some skill, after all.

Burning a brilliant crimson, Tenri shrunk back a little. "Well…that was just the idea," she mumbled. "Th-there's a lot of variations in the Internet, we should agree on rules first. Some variations takes turns clockwise, in some variations the teller automatically loses if no one's scared off, in some variations everyone loses if Keima's scared or someone wins if Keima confesses –"

"NO!" was the resounding answer, and I swore I heard some goddesses in that mix, too.

Tsukiyo, who had been sipping her tea, placed her cup heavily on the table. "That rule would be nonsensical. If it's our qualities being judged, why would Keima's bias have any weight on this game's flow?"

They're not being serious. Hopefully not. They're not really being serious…I gulped, and saved, preparing to flee.

And then Tenri smiled uncharacteristically. "Well, we may as well include them for the excitement! But it's true that Keima can make things unfair, so…" Somehow, she produced a thick roll of duct tape from thin air, and with that almost frightening grin growing wider, she said, "I think I would like to cheat a little, too."

* * *

The rules were decided.

They agreed on the ones concerning me in an instant. Both rules Tenri mentioned would be kept. On the other hand, I ended up having my mouth duct-taped shut, my wrists bound, and my waist strapped on my chair.

This…was _harassment_. Why the heck am _I_ being plagued with the short end of Real's stick? There must be _some_ law against this…

But at least I was allowed to continue playing on my PFP, and so I did, though with some noticeable grumbling.

As for the other rules, the basic gist was that each girl had three minutes to tell her ghost story. They would take turns clockwise and cycle on until all girls but one was eliminated. A girl would be disqualified if she either fainted or made any kind of sound while it was not her turn to speak. I didn't like the chances; technically, if they were willing enough, the game could cycle on forever. I would need some form of escape…

At the moment, they were deciding on who would go first. For whatever reason Tenri had offered Haqua a chance to join in, though Haqua had resoundingly refused, saying "Why would I want to get into a game as stupid as this?" This prompted Vulcan to accuse Tenri of trying to make an alliance, which Diana had denied, but then Vulcan declared that since Tenri was so willing to offer me away (a comment that I resent), Tsukiyo would happily go first. After that, it degraded into a childish argument, with Diana, Vulcan, Ayumi, and Yui all trying to grab the first spot.

Elsie looked confused for a moment until she queried, "But what about me? Can't I play?"

Discussion ground to a halt.

"Nenee," I mumbled through the duct tape, eyes focused on my game.

Unexpectedly, Haqua scoffed and said, "You kidding? Ghost stories scare you too easily, Elsie."

"What – of course not! What gave you that idea?"

Haqua pointed. "You're purposely ignoring that gremlin sucking out your blood."

Elsie blinked, pondering this for a second.

And then she screamed so loudly I winced even through the noise-cancelling earphones I had plugged in. For a second she flailed around wildly, and then she sunk to the floor, wailing, "Haqua, that was so mean!"

"Sorry, Elsie, but you have to be mean in this game," Haqua said cheerfully. "Tough luck. Maybe Mari will give you some cookies? You know how good they are, ask her for some."

Elsie sniffed. "Okay," she mumbled, and then trudged to the kitchen.

Haqua glanced at the occupants of my table. "Well, I guess that means I went first," she said mildly. She pulled up a chair and sat down next to me. "Oh well, can't be helped. I'm in the game now. Who's next?"

"Nemninns?" I tried to ask.

"I'll tell you later," Haqua said with a smirk.

The game moved on.

Yui opened with a grand tale about the monsters that hid under the bed, which might have been scary but was ruined by her overbearing gestures. Kanon actually bothered to turn the lights off first, before reciting a tale of a low-profile idol with a haunted mike. Tsukiyo went with a version of her own story – how a boy who lived life aimlessly suddenly found himself shrinking and shrinking until his own beloved teddy bear loomed over him. Shiori spent the first two minutes stuttering, but then she moved into a disturbingly frightening fable about a suit of armour that started talking to a princess one day. Even with only one minute, I found myself unsettled by her superb narration; I could tell that others thought the same, as they were casting her wary looks. If she had more time, the first elimination could have been observed here.

Now it was Ayumi's turn.

"There's a grave marker, just a right turn and a few steps away from the church, that no one really how it came to be," she started. "Some locals think it's a regular stone that broke off from the cliff. Some think the marker was placed by the gods to honour a hero abandoned and murdered. Even fewer know the truth; the marker itself is the stone coffin to a prematurely born child…"

I clicked a few more buttons and cleared my second-last path. As I started the game over again, Ayumi continued. "But everyone knows what it _does_. Every night, when the moon approaches its apex, you can hear the clock wherever you were in town. _Tick_, _tick_, _tick_, went the imaginary clock, counting down to midnight… _Tock_, _tock_, _tock_, went the citizen's heartbeats, so wary of this unnatural sound… And all of them guessed, without a doubt, that it came from the grave marker.

"So one day, they hired someone to investigate. But that day, something was different – the investigator noticed it instantly. The stone was glowing a bloody crimson. Against it, etched in black, were words… The investigator didn't want to get close, of course. Who knew what trickery, what sorcery, was afoot… But in the end, his greed for money won out. He approached the marker and brushed his fingers up the words, and then he read it out loud. 'Looters beware – intone only if you dare…'

"Too late, the man realized his mistake. But before he can move, the marker cracked, a yellow light flaring out. The man could only watch in horror as, before his eyes, the entire stone split in half with a –"

_Ding!_

"Cookies are done!"

Several Goddesses groaned at once. The hosts (and Haqua) contained their giggles, though only barely. Ayumi blushed as brilliantly crimson as the grave marker she was just talking about must have. I just mechanically tapped out button sequences into my PFP to a beat only I could hear.

"A-anyways, so, the m-man opened the marker – I mean, the marker split in half, but – oh…" Ayumi buried her face into her hands, evidently trying to calm herself down.

"Oh, cheer up, Ayumi," Mercury's voice floated. "You can step back now."

And then Ayumi's hair suddenly whitened. When she looked up, I immediately noticed the darker skin.

"Mercury!" Vulcan cried out. "You can't just play your host's round for her!"

"Oh, don't get your tongue in a knot, sister," Mercury replied airily. "You'll get your turn, so wait till then! Well, that is, if your hosts can take fear from _this_ kind of movie theatre!"

I must've been the first one to notice. Despite my lit PFP screen, the reflection from it was just enough for me to make out the sudden appearance of a heaven kanji. I looked up.

It wasn't fairly bright, not enough to get noticed by the other goddesses yet, it seemed. But even so, I could already feel some strange effects. My muscles – despite being already atrophied – grew noticeably weaker and unresponsive. The world around my eyes started to darken.

Just as suddenly, Shiori's hair grew lighter. "Mercury!" Minerva mutely shrieked. "You shouldn't be using that –"

"Hey, hey, no cheating, Minerva! Now how am I supposed to tell if _your_ host's scared or not?"

"But –"

"Or maybe she was about to scream? You told her what was going to happen and she chickened out, is it? C'mon, am I right or what, little sister?"

I knew as a fact that Minerva was older than Mercury, but to be fair, Mercury _was_ taller. The midget goddess only whimpered in response, apparently not debating it.

"Ha!" Mercury crowed. "Then come on, bring her out! I want to see my victory with my own eyes! Or maybe, you're so scared you'll start crying too? Come on, little sister – let me refresh your memory, and let me see if you could cry even harder than you did last time!"

And then the world completely blackened.

* * *

When I could see again, we were in the middle of a dusty and barren landscape. Vaguely in the distance, almost unnoticeable because of my earphones, some kind of crowd was roaring with fervor to match all of my conquered girls screaming at once, and that was truly saying something. I tried to squint; in the distance, I could see something that looked like giant trees, buried amongst miles and miles of giant…grass?

It was Mercury who spoke first. "Darn. I missed? How did that happen?"

The second was Haqua. "A completely immersive sensory feeder? Where did you learn the incantations for such a spell? This is even more impressive than when you cured Apollo."

"Aha!" Mercury shouted, pointing at Haqua with glee. "You spoke! You spoke! You lose, little demon!"

"I am not little! And besides, your three minutes are up. It's supposed to be Tenri's turn now."

Mercury's jaw immediately dropped. "What! That is so unfair!"

"Said the goddess," Haqua commented dryly.

Yui cut in. "Where is this? And – what happened?"

"A teleportation…?" Kanon murmured.

Haqua was the one who answered. "Teleportation takes too much energy for eight bodies, fourteen souls and a table, so no. This is actually a pretty complicated virtual reality spell. Everything seems real, but it's actually an elaborate and shared construct of Hell's surface, probably when it was still inhabitable. We're still in Keima's café, though I bet Elsie and Keima's mother won't be able to see this. Right, Mercury?"

The goddess nodded distractedly. Minerva opened her mouth but seemed agitated and was having trouble speaking. Tsukiyo looked up at the sky – there was no sun, despite the seemingly illuminated ground – and she muttered, "It's hot."

It was. I was already starting to sweat, and my PFP was actually starting to get uncomfortable. Beyond that, I could smell a little bit of sulphur, and some kind of metal – iron? Aluminum? Steel? For an immersive experience, this was certainly impressive and top-notch. It all seemed so real.

…Too Real.

Back in the distance, one of the trees bent ridiculously low, and then sprung back up, sending a – a seed? – high into the sky. I couldn't be certain, but for whatever reason, whether it was the wind or it was intended, it seemed to be heading to our direction.

At the same time, I listened to Mercury's grumbling. "I meant for us to see the war in Hell, three hundred years ago. You wouldn't believe how constantly the tides shifted – New Hell demons were constantly feeling euphoric to desperate to happy to fearful… That kind of view could break any soldier, even the New Hell's generals. So I thought it should be no problem for a bunch of kids like you… Ah well, my turn's over." Then she smirked. "Though, I think I _nearly_ got someone. Didn't I, little Minerva?" And with that, she poked a still agitated goddess in the forehead, who squeaked. Mercury only grinned wider and started teasing the goddess even more, despite the sputtering.

I checked my game. Saved after a few button clicks. Actually closed it. Then, with my bound wrists, I adjusted my glasses and sighed through my nose.

Not. Good.

Haqua was still looking around, probably trying to learn something from this "immersive experience", though I doubted she'd get anywhere. Tsukiyo was staring longingly at the sky. Kanon was apprehensively staring at Mercury, who was busy teasing into submission Minerva, who was probably the only one who knew the full extent of this situation. Yui had noticed the "grass" in the distance, and was watching them with some interest, in addition to keeping track of the incoming "seed" which was definitely heading closer _our_ way. To her credit, Tenri was the only other one panicking, though with her expression with wide eyes, her posture of holding her hands over her ears, and the conspicuous lack of six additional voices, I suspected that that was a different issue entirely.

Upon reflection, I had to admit – reality truly is a cruddy game.

And it was only made worse by the fact that even goddesses don't bother to debug.

The "seed" collided into the centre of our group, shattering the café table into a million shards of laminated wood.


	3. On to the Past

_**A/N Some Percy Jackson influences start to show here.**_

_**And yes, I uploaded the prologue after the first chapter. It's for the sake of my series, in which prologues and epilogues are heavily important, but it doesn't have a direct relationship with this story, so it's not exactly a necessary read. Still, it provides some...interesting notes.  
**_

**Disclaimer: The World God Only Knows is owned by Tamiki Wakaki. I own absolutely nothing in relation to this work, except for the plot of this particular story.**

* * *

Mercury reacted remarkably quickly.

With a snarl and a swipe over where had been the surface of the table, the world disappeared –

And reappeared with us and the table floating high in the air, and then we started to fall.

"Ah!" Minerva cried, and then with a tickling sensation on my palm, I suddenly stopped, as did everything else. I'm fairly sure I wasn't the only one looking green, but I only had my eyes on my hand – where the kanji for "float" had appeared.

I heard Mercury sputter, and then round on Minerva. "_What in Jupiter's name are you doing?_"

Minerva only squeaked again.

"Shut up, brat! You're the only one out right now, so _you_'re the only one materializing missiles and jamming my spells!"

While she was cowed, I tried to get Haqua to unbind me, but she was staring at, well, the thin air in shock. I tried again with Yui, who was doing the same thing, though she noticed me quicker.

"O-oh, yes, of course, my princess. Forgive me for not coming to your aid."

I think several people almost gagged at that. Or maybe it was just the height.

I did a quick check. Tsukiyo was hovering slightly over her chair, her face pale and her arms clutching Luna tightly. Kanon was hugging herself with a shocked expression. Tenri hadn't reacted at all, still holding her hands over her ears. Yui –

Just finished unwrapping the last layers of tape keeping me to the chair, and then immediately pulled me onto her lap.

"Hey –!"

"Relax, my dear! I'll make sure to see you through safely."

Minerva was drawn back in fear from Mercury, who was raging at her. Haqua was still staring at nothing in particular, though I'm sure she'll move soon, since the skirt of her uniform was slowly flying up, about to block her eyesight.

That was the moment words burst out.

"Everyone, please calm down!" Yui.

Kanon didn't actually speak, just gave a strangled shriek.

"What's going on?" Tsukiyo.

"Mercury, stop!" Me.

Haqua shrilly screamed my name (though I wasn't sure why) and batted down her skirt.

Mercury bellowed a particularly loud insult, and then paused, panting, which was long enough for Minerva to speak, but Minerva only motioned with her hands frantically, and then around her head started swirling – words? Except, Mercury viciously smacked it away, and it flew – straight to my face.

I sputtered and then peeled it off, somewhat surprised it was tangible, like an overhead. I looked at it. Not words – an equation.

Y = - ( 1 - ( ( t – f ) / c ) ^ 2 ) ^ ( - 1 / 2 )

I had a very good idea what this meant, but I really didn't want to believe it. If it was true, then Real had upgraded by one on CPU difficulty, not to mention obnoxiousness.

"Minerva," I grimly said, and Mercury's resumed yelling stopped. "Where, exactly, are we?"

The little goddess peeked above her book, which she had been using to shield herself, at Mercury, who glared at her again, before timidly answering.

"W-we're exactly where M-mercury said we were. L-literally. Hell, three hundred y-years ago."

* * *

**Chapter 2 – **

_On to the Past_

* * *

Time travel. As if I haven't done them millions of times already (in games). Darn it, Real…!

Okay, first to check if I have enough games stocked. I squirmed around as little as possible, very aware that the more I contacted Yui, the more I blushed like a girl. I hate the leftovers of _that_ particular conquest… I checked my pockets – now glad that I hadn't changed last night – and sighed in relief when all the games I have were still undamaged. With grim resolve, I also placed back my console and earphones in my bigger pockets.

The conversation caught my attention.

"Ridiculous!" Yui had said.

"You said it takes too much energy to teleport!" Kanon had told Haqua.

The demon girl only looked stunned once more.

The comment that struck my mind was Mercury's yell. "What? How dare you, Minerva! You're accusing _me_ of screwing up a spell? What are you trying to pull?"

My patience disappeared.

"That is _enough_!"

No one spoke.

I adjusted my glasses. "Mercury, I have observed you for several weeks now, and I have come to a conclusion. Do you have any idea exactly what kind of heroine archetype you fit into?"

"The hot one?"

"The _discrete_ one!" I pointed accusingly. "Unpredictable mood swings! Minor signs of psychopathic or sociopathic behaviour! Bizarre, almost sporadic knowledge! Placing humans on the other side of a glass wall! Most of all – a cold hair style! And white hair is the very definition of lack of warmth! They are all signs, if not a surefire indication, of either the _tsundere_ – who always have a vulnerable interior, which you certainly don't – or the detached personality, the heroine out of place, the strange love rival – in other words, the villain!"

"It seems a little harsh to judge that on hair style…"

"And what do villains usually do? They create obstacles! Some villains do so because they truly wish for the hero to love them! Other villains simply commit the act for intrinsic purposes! But whatever the reason is, the audience always _knows_ this person is guilty of any wrongdoing! In fact, the villain is _always_ causing the wrongdoing, even if they don't intend it! Therefore! It's exactly within your parameters to mess up, say 'Oops', and frame others! It can only be you!"

I gave a tragic sigh. "If only I had the opportunity to show them salvation…! But no, those girls are too often doomed to disappear after the credits roll…I can only wish them the best of luck in the nothingness beyond the story…" I sniffed.

The whimsical goddess' eye was twitching – I wasn't completely sure if it was out of lack of understanding or amazement – but then Minerva quietly said, "T-that's why I told you you should _learn_ the seals, not memorize them. I-I recognized the slow insignias and the force etchings immediately, but nothing for sensory hallucination. A-are you sure you haven't just confused the s-spell with a different one?"

A pause. Then, "Oops."

"I knew it."

"Shut up!"

"Please, I'm still willing to teach you this, so please don't confuse them again…"

Mercury's scowl deepened, though she didn't seem mad at Minerva anymore.

"And I had a feeling, too…" I muttered. "As an experienced explorer of the cosmos known as games, I realized almost at once that there was so much inconsistent with the solidity of virtual reality. It _was_ mostly my instincts, but it worried me how complete the false imitation was. I mean, warmth and smells? A viewing range farther than human eyesight? Those aren't necessary. They were sure signs of the pseudo-virtual."

As I spoke, I looked at the table. It was the only thing that actually fit into the perfection of scenarios. Why did the projectile hit directly on the table, instead of around us? And did the table not splinter?

And then I realized that there were kanji on those two, too. On the "seed", which was in reality a rock cannonball, I could make out the worn form for "move". Cracked in several places, but legible, on the table was not only "float", but also the two words "here" and "whole". Minerva's work, and they were clever thinking, too; I thought I felt my respect for literature rise a little more. It'll never be as good as games, but it's good to know that an excellent fellow deity was leading that domain.

I was distracted by someone suddenly playing with my hair. "Keima, hush," Yui said, and as always I simultaneously loved/hated the soft way she said it, like the name itself was so fragile. "Don't fret so! This is only a temporary fright. We'll be able to move back momentarily. Right?"

The last part appeared to be directed at the goddesses. Mercury was now coyly smiling so much that her cheeks looked permanently stuck in that form, the darn goddess. Minerva, though blushing, averted her eyes and answered. "I-it's not so simple. It takes a lot less to go back than to go forward. As you know, c, or the speed of light –"

I interrupted. "It doesn't matter _how_ we got here. We all just have to get back."

And suddenly, if it was possible, Tsukiyo's face paled further and she clutched Luna harder.

That reminded me of Tenri – who was only now starting to realize we had moved – and a horrible thought struck me. Surely not, but… "Do we need all six goddesses working together to get us back?"

"Since it only took me, in my weakened form, to move us, yes, all six should be just above the required power. Right, big sister?"

"E-er, yes, that sounds right…"

I buried my face into my hands and swore.

"What?"

"Ask Tenri," I responded angrily. "Or ask Tsukiyo, since she's spent the last few seconds staring at Luna. Don't get cocky, Real! This kind of stupid plot starter has already been overused!"

"Plot starter…?"

"You haven't realized yet? Even with the lack of voices? The other goddesses are _gone_!"

Tsukiyo's eyes had darted up at her mention, and when I finished, she mumbled, "It's...true. Vulcan's…missing…from Luna."

"And I can't feel Diana either!" Tenri's voice sounded hysteric, more than I've ever heard it. "She's never disappeared before. Never!"

A moment of silence later, Kanon let slip a loud whimper.

Yui's arms tightened around my stomach.

Mercury's expression darkened and she let out some choice words.

"Even Ayumi and Shiori?" Real was getting stupid, _fast_!

"Of course. Not energy, _entropy_!"

"I said it doesn't matter about the how, Minerva!"

Haqua finally spoke. "We can't use their help to get back, but if we manage it ourselves, will the goddesses – and the other girls – come back on their own?"

"No," both goddesses said immediately. Mercury elaborated. "At least, we're not going to risk it. Automatic recovery from soul dissociation had been recorded in Heaven's history before, but testing when _time_ is a factor is only asking for an explosive seal on your face. Or worse."

I rubbed my eyes. This was just like a mediocre plot designed by a cocky eighteen-year-old university student deluded into thinking he was a master of the language arts.

I hate this. And I especially hated that the real _became_ real only after I noticed exactly how fake Mercury's virtual was to the true virtual. If I had been remained convinced of Mercury's ability to keep up the scene, would the missile never have crashed into our table? Would it have remained virtual? Was that what Real was trying to convey?

I was tempted to test it out. If only I had such an easy way out of this…

No. I was getting distracted.

"Options. We need options, first. What can we do?"

"We must search for our allies posthaste!" Yui said.

Minerva added, "A-and, they won't be grouped like we are. I-I think we were lucky we arrived intact at all, but there's no p-possibility that the others will turn up in the same vicinity. We will likely find them individually."

"Can we do that?" Tsukiyo asked. "I thought they were just souls? Can we see souls?"

"Regular humans can't see souls, but they won't be. Dissociated souls solidify into their own temporary bodies. Left alone, they'd survive for a few years, and all we need is physical contact for the soul to snap back. It's quite an interesting property, actually; I listened behind a lot of closed doors to try to learn –"

"Please stick to the facts, Mercury."

"Ooh, feisty, dear little Keima."

"Ma'am, it is considered quite rude to flirt with a lady who is on another's lap –"

"_Options_."

"You could give us a power boost, ya know? Some harmless groping and a French kiss should be fine. Then maybe we'll be in a better position to look for the others."

"NO!" (I wasn't entirely sure if my voice was in there or not.)

"Well, it was worth a try."

"M-maybe you should conserve your powers first," Tenri said. "I-is keeping us in the air taking a significant –?"

"Oh, good point."

And then Mercury swiped over the table again, and the world faded back into darkness.

* * *

Upon recovery of my senses, I started to suspect Mercury had no control over this porting, but before I could ask, my eardrums nearly blew out from the onslaught of noises.

I looked down.

We were still in the air. But we weren't so high up anymore, and the ground underneath our table was no longer bare. Every square metre was packed with people.

No, not people, I realized – girls. Women. Girls and women with horns, cloaks, tattoos, and some even had grossly disproportionate skin around their bodies.

Demons.

Not only demons, but also giant, raging dogs that could only be described as being made out of pure energy – hellhounds? Most of them were red, though a sparse few were magenta and one was even a bright pink. It was a force to be reckoned with, swiping aside dozens of people each second, and that was only what one was doing; there was at least twenty underneath us.

"What _is_ this?" I heard Kanon breathe. I had never heard her so horror-stricken.

The screaming and yelling was distressing; the demons and hellhounds were pressing against each other even harder than colliding waves. I was surprised none of them flew up to our level. The sides seemed divided into two – the cloaked demons, and the uncloaked ones.

The cloaked demons had the obvious weapons – arrows, swords, rods, the occasional pieces of armour. Except, those were sparse as a whole; almost the entire army were barehanded. The only impressive thing from their side of the field was the catapults. Occasionally, one would slowly rear back, and then fling a stone high into the air. But more often than not, a white wall would suddenly flash into existence, and then send the stone veering off in a completely random direction before it even finished being flung.

The uncloaked demons weren't wearing much clothes, but their skins were almost all black from some kind of runes. They were far more organized; a few hundred of the bigger demons were barrelling into the lines of the cloaked demons, while the smaller ones farther back were sending a multitude of colour into the opposing army – red and yellow flares that blew up on contact, blue and purple vapour that left entire sections impeded, green and orange glows that made the physical fighters nigh invincible. They also had more people.

It was a dazzling spectacle.

But the cloaked demons were obviously losing.

"For shame!" Yui growled. "There is neither justice nor honour in fighting an unfair battle!"

"This is ridiculous," Mercury muttered.

"Queer," a third voice added.

…Huh?

There was someone sitting on the back of my floating chair.

The woman was terribly strange, but at the same time, terribly familiar. Her hair was blond, but I almost couldn't tell because her head was wrapped in a black cloth that also covered her eyes. The back of her hair, the only part sticking out, was done in braids, but was also entwined with some kind of black threads, effectively shading the golden locks. Even her scarf was black, and it appeared to be used for covering her mouth, since it was now just barely caught on her chin. Other than that, she wore loose, dark, Japanese-looking clothes. She looked like the assassin type heroine – the silent kunoichi.

She addressed us. "Enigmatic. But I sense power. I must consult sisters. Stay. I will aid below."

And then she jumped off. In less than ten seconds she disappeared from sight, lost among the feminine demons below.

Yui, of course, was the one who spoke first. It was, after all, her who shared a body with that particular goddess, however a weird version she was.

"_Mars?_"

* * *

"How?" I breathed.

"For a genius, you're slow," Haqua said. "Three hundred years ago, the goddesses helped fight the Old Demons, remember?"

"For a supposed genius, you don't give a lot of suggestions. You only said one other comment that was even remotely helpful for the last few scenes, remember?"

That was as far as we got until one of the magenta dogs wailed and flashily blew up.

A second one grew an enormous wound across its entire body, and gold blood spurted out and soaked every uncloaked demon in a twenty-metre radius, who all began screaming at once, while the dog died without even a whimper.

The third one simply had its entire head ripped off, and where its head landed, uncloaked demons started falling indiscriminately with quick spurts of blood flying out. A few red balls of light crashed into the place immediately after and exploded into ruby fireworks which enveloped the area in hemispheres, and the stench of burnt flesh was flung out.

And only then did the one responsible appear, standing on top of the well-done dog head. Her posture was striking and fearsome. Gripped in her hands were what I distinguished as _kunai_ and _shuriken_; her mouth held some kind of black stick, which she removed, before yanking off her scarf completely. Out of character for a moment, she bellowed:

"NEW HELL SOCIETY, TO ME!"

More fireballs zoomed into her position, but then she threw her scarf, which grew far larger, absorbing the attacks, and simultaneously dissolving into infinitesimal pieces – needles? – that instantly rained death on the field. Whenever it struck an uncloaked demon, their skin immediately turned purple and they started screaming, while whenever it struck a cloaked demon, their robe immediately blackened and then glowed gold once.

Suddenly the entire tide was reversed; it was the uncloaked army struggling to organize, while the cloaked army grew stronger. With a sweeping motion that looked just like the wave, every cloaked demon suddenly materialized an assortment of weaponry in just as many colours – cyan whips, silver javelins, bloody nets, golden morning stars. Then, with a culminating roar, they gained momentum and mercilessly started crushing the initial lines of the opposing army, and in a few seconds the majority of physically capable uncloaked demons disappeared.

Several hellhounds at the back of the uncloaked army started turning and fleeing, but then Mars' black stick's use was made apparent – she blew into it several times, and every time, a beast crashed into the ground in obvious suffering. Then she raised the stick high in the air, and with a flash, it turned into an exaggeratedly long _wakizashi_ – a samurai sword. She dove deep into the enemy lines, the blade whirling around even faster than she could run, though she could've just walked, for all the difference it would've made to her fallen victims.

Except, Minerva's terrified voice shrieked, "She's heading into a trap!"

The words were barely out of her mouth when an entire section of the ground below burned black, creating spirals right beneath Mars, who had stopped. High above her, higher than me, a black, crackling orb started accumulating mass, quickly growing in radius until Mars was almost invisible from the dark eclipse it had created.

I couldn't help it – I violently shivered. I knew, at once, that that was a finishing move.

It was _not_ something she should touch.

But she did. As soon as the dark energy started falling, Mars stood firm on the ground and raised an arm to the orb, all the way until the ball fifty times bigger than her crashed into her open palm.

_ScreeeeeEEEEEEEEEE –!_

"Ah!" For a moment I became disoriented from the sheer _cacophony_ emanating from the collision. With effort, I managed to wrench my eyes open again.

And then I saw something truly spectacular.

Straight, regal, and jet black wings burst out from her back, shooting out to a length that could've easily wrapped around thirty people. With a final shout, the wings took on a golden glow, and the dark orb was vanquished to nothingness – except for a thin spear that was left gripped in Mars' left hand, which was immediately plunged into the ground underneath her.

The resulting shockwave literally sent me flying, as it did to everything else on and above the battlefield. From the air, I could see several hundreds of demons topple against each other like dominos and see hellhounds flung clear across the area, crashing onto the ground with as much noise as an avalanche.

The uncloaked demons fared the worst – as they were blown back, the blast started robbing them of physical composition, as if a nuclear bomb had gone off. The screaming demons were consumed before my very eyes, until the last traces of them disappeared with a final wail.

It was a victory. A complete victory for Mars.

* * *

The goddess didn't even look tired yet, though her black wings had disappeared with her final attack. A sort of stunned silence had taken hold – every head was turned her way, as if no one could quite believe she was standing here, in a location deep in Hell.

The stillness was broken when two of the cloaked demons broke ranks and approached the goddess, who waited patiently. One of them fell to her knees in a humble bow…though somehow, it almost looked as if that demon was about to fall asleep instead. Mars gave her a small nod.

The other demon's exclamation was quite clear. "Idiot!"

"Greetings," Mars replied.

The demon tore off her hood. From my angle, I couldn't see her face; what I _could_ see was that she was bald. She yelled, "There's a _reason_ we don't expedite our powers on every dumb opening, you retarded goddess! Do you realize exactly _how much_ you attracted enemy attention? Not to mention you blew off more power than I could at once – what did that do to your power levels, huh? For the love of Pluto, are you _trying_ to be a thickheaded goddess of theatrics?"

The bowing demon murmured something I didn't catch, though it sounded cautionary. The goddess halted her with the raise of a hand. Her response to the angry demon was laconic. "Know when to whisper. Know when to scream."

I thought she had been warning the demon from yelling, but the bald demon only retorted sarcastically, "And who exactly were _you_ screaming to? Your pompous little daddy up in the sky, sipping his wine?"

"No. Guests."

It was only then that I realized that I was a lot closer to ground level than I had been. I looked down –

Only to land on the ground unexpectedly, sending some stones skittering. "Gah!"

Every eye in my line of sight turned to me.

This was a strange predicament. I wasn't entirely sure what to say. Are there any Hellian video game store nearby? I come in peace? Care to show me where I can get the best bars? All of them were acceptable mood breakers, and leaves a significant impact, though one was simply cliché and the other two were nonsensical in this time period.

Then the bald demon turned. I saw at once that she was only vaguely human – well, human_like_. Though there was skin on her face, it was pale and her entire presentation looked eerily similar to that of a skeleton. Her eyes were sunken almost to the point of nonexistence. Her expression seemed to be permanently set on "angry".

I heard an incredulous whisper nearby – Haqua had just landed. "_Section Chief Docrow Skull_?"

Docrow Skull pulled her arm back and threw something. An instant and a _boom_ later, there was a small crater right between Haqua and I that was half a metre deep. I inhaled sharply and stepped away.

For whatever reason, Haqua amended with a high-pitched "I think."

The angry demon looked as if she was about to storm over and strike us down, but Mars caught her by the shoulder. "Guests," she repeated.

"What in Hell were you drinking? Four humans, two witches, a newborn demon and a _boy_ are hardly _guests_!"

"Wait, Docrow." The demon that had been bowing was now drowsily standing beside the angry demon, confirming that the latter was indeed Docrow Skull. "There is no reason to greet them with hostility. We do not know them, but they could hardly be agents from the Nox dictatorship, either. Mars' term of 'guests' is actually quite accurate."

"Be quiet!"

"Don't be rude! The guests are right in front of you, you know," Mercury's coy voice said. She floated into view, in front of me, managing lay down on her side in midair. As she gracefully landed on her feet, she added amusedly, "What do you mean by 'witches', by the way?"

Before anyone could say anything, Yui landed, only a little behind Mercury, and into the large audience, she shouted, "Mars! Mars, is that you? Do you recognize me?"

The goddess – well, I couldn't see her eyes, it was still covered by the black cloth wrapped around her head, but I thought she frowned. "Yes. Mars is my name. Who are you, human?"

Yui wasn't turned my way. Yet, I could almost _feel_ the hurt flashing through her face… "I see," she said in a pained tone that nearly compelled me to embrace her.

…Darn that conquest!

Tenri, Tsukiyo, and Kanon were already grounded. All three were pale – Kanon was even shaking slightly. Minerva was the last one to land, and she spoke after Yui in a fearful voice. "Sister. Why are you here?"

Now I was sure Mars was frowning. "Sis…ter? That is… Wait. Minerva? Mercury?"

Docrow's scowl, if possible, deepened. "Is this true? These are not witches? They are your weakling sisters?" She shook her head. "What in the Underworld is going on?"

Mars looked no less confused. "I do not know. My sisters…are in heaven. Yet, these two…" She looked troubled, and said slowly, as if she doubted herself: "I will confer with my…sisters."

Docrow's friend laughed, though it turned into a yawn. "Well, there you have it! A family reunion. Now they really should be treated as guests."

The bald demon snarled, and then rolled up her sleeves, revealing malnourished-looking arms. "Very well. For the demon and the two godlings, we will listen to their tale, and I will believe them. But not the humans!" And then to us: "Consider yourselves prisoners of war. Don't resist while I take you five out of commission."

The other demon chided, "Come now, Docrow. I _specialize_ in sleep-related magic, you should leave that to me!"

"Perhaps I would've been inclined to if I didn't know what you want the boy for!"

"You read me too well."

And before I knew it, the demon was right in front of me. She didn't remove her hood – all I could see was the lower half of her face, which amounted to black tattoos – or runes – and her red lips.

In front of at least six hundred shocked demon faces as well as the people around me, she kissed me on the lips. I realized at once what kind of heroine she was.

The inquisitive heroine. She was only doing this out of curiosity.

I would never find out what I had fallen unconscious from: her self-proclaimed specialization in sleep-related magic, or the misaimed butt of Haqua's scythe slamming into my head with a _clang_.

* * *

_**I wanted to get more in this chapter, but I thought this was the best place to stop for a long while. So I did.**_

_**Referring way back to the equation; that **_**does**_** have a scientific base. For the sake of story flow, I killed the explanations, but if you try to call me out, you'll probably find your PM Inbox somewhat abused with math. ^^**_


	4. Dead Useless Overladies

_**A/N I confess, as caught by **_**Random Reader**_**, the second chapter was a tad rushed, too. I really need to stop publishing things hot off the press. Someone please flame me the next time I do that.**_

_**With that being said, since I forgot to say it last time (sorry)…thanks to my two reviewers, **_**Soranium**_** and the **_**Random Reader**_**, for their constructive reviews.  
**_

_**Now, what was I gonna say about this chapter…? I forget, I'll put it in if I ever remember. Hope you enjoy.**_

**Disclaimer: The World God Only Knows is owned by Tamiki Wakaki. I own absolutely nothing in relation to this work, except for the plot of this particular story.**

* * *

I opened my eyes. "I hate 3D girls."

Something hit my head with a _Clang!_

"Ow!"

Haqua leered over me. The demon's face was uncomfortably close to mine, so I plainly saw that she was flushed. She had difficulty looking at me – her eyes kept to the side, and every few seconds, it would slowly strain to meet mine, only to dart away again. Then I realized that I couldn't get up. Her scythe was pinned down against my resting body, and rather alarmingly at that – the blade was too towards and too close by my head for my liking.

I gulped. Had she finally gone off the deep end? She does realize that if I'm dead, Elsie's dead too, right? Then again…would the contract still work properly when the buddy fell back a time period?

"You put up…frustratingly little resistance, you know that?" Haqua grumbled. "Not just with the other girls…you even had the galls to…with an Overlady… what are you trying to _do_?" Her speaking was a little distracted, and reluctant. "At this rate… that kiss didn't help…get _their_ emotions up…you're seriously going to…capture every female you meet…"

I've no idea what she wanted to say, but having found some comfort in the lacking murderous intent in her tone, I chanced a question. "What's an Overlady?"

She didn't appear to be listening. "The entire army…you went and did _that_ in front of them…not to mention all of us…_six hundred_ females wanted…" she kept mumbling, and with more force yet also more softness, "That wasn't…how I wanted to introduce you…to demon kissing…"

I digested this for a moment, before I said with some annoyance, "You would rather me kiss Nora? I know I purposely groped her before, but that was for a good reason, and kissing is on –"

Haqua blushed, then twitched, and then I felt her grip on her scythe tighten.

Oh, shoot.

_Clang! _"Idiot!" _Clang! _"_Stupid_!" _CLANG! _"IDIOT!"

"OW! OW! OW! Guh…" And then I noticed her odd dialogue flow. "Wait, you used 'idiot' twice! Don't you know that in prose you're supposed to vary words –"

_Clang! _"Waaaah! Shut up shut up SHUT UP!" _Clang!_ "Don't mind _me_, I'm just mad someone STOLE my FIRST KISS, ALRIGHT?" _Clang!_

"You think I can ignore you with that _scythe_? And what are you talking about, no one ever kissed you!"

_Clang!_

I belatedly decided that it was unhealthy to argue with her.

* * *

**Chapter 3 –**

_Dead Useless Overladies_

* * *

Someone interrupted. "Hey, you two! Try not to destroy our stuff!"

Whoever it was, she shoved herself in, making Haqua to yelp and shift inside what I now realize was a very cramped tent, perhaps explaining the awkward positioning of the scythe. The visitor wiggled inside what little space there was by the entrance, forcing me to bend my legs to allow her an area to sit without crushing some part of me. At this point, I was lying almost on the very edge of the tent, boxing in and pushing Haqua against the tarp. Then the air mattress we were on (or its Hell equivalent) wobbled, and the demon lost her balance; luckily she didn't land on my face, but she did end up close, which resulted in my head being trapped underneath her legs.

"Do you _mind_?"

"S-sorry! I-I don't think I can move –" Then her voice went an octave higher. "Don't turn your head! _Please_, just d-don't!"

"Cozy," the visitor yawned.

I realized that it was the same demon that had kissed me, and my mood turned annoyed. "Ah…the _nosy_ one."

"K-keima!"

"I'm not sure what you mean, and I don't really want to ask," she said, true to her type, nosily.

"You're the nosy, also known as the inquisitive, heroine," I deadpanned, then started my lecture. "Not very appealing to the wider audience. Generally tends to have a 'there's a first for everything' attitude, and such, dates merely for the fun of it, more often than not frustrating and stretching the patience and tolerance of their male partners. As such, they are very difficult to capture, since they don't really take commitment seriously, though one of their few upsides is the willingness to do almost anything the protagonist suggests. However, their curiosity usually gets the better of them, sending them and the people around them knee deep in neighbourhood gossip the next day, if not legal trouble. Accordingly, if their route is not selected, they tend to have the worst scenario endings – inadvertently pushing away any potential males being the most common ending, though the more extreme variants could get injured from stupidly staying inside a danger zone, even losing their life simply because they were overly curious."

I rolled my eyes, though no one could see it, hidden underneath Haqua's legs. "Your future doesn't look good."

"If you say so?"

Haqua's voice quickly cut in. "I apologize, Overlady! He meant no disrespect. His thinking was weird enough to begin with, and his recent…ordeal…didn't help that."

"But that doesn't change the fact that _she_ kissed _me_ just because she wanted to know what it felt like!" I said angrily.

"Oh, that. Darn, you noticed?" She laughed, and to my continuing irritation, she laid her head down on my legs. "Aww, why didn't cha leave it as a gesture of good will?"

"From the way you were acting, it's hard _not_ to tell what you truly wanted," I growled. "Honestly, why me? Why not just kiss a demon man or something?"

Haqua flinched.

"You think I'd waste time trying to get them?" the other demon easily said. "Too much work. I'd rather make out with the weaker human boys instead."

I grunted. Real Girls and their logical fallacies…

"I'm surprised that's your only question, though. I heard a pretty unbelievable tale today – Keima, right? And if it had any grain of truth in it, you should be asking way more than that, like a sane human. Else I'd have to agree with your girlfriend that your head's wacked up."

"Haqua's not my girlfriend," I said absentmindedly, "and I do have questions…too many, actually. Is this really Hell in the early eighteenth century? Why was Mars so different from how I know her? Is there a way for us to get back to the future? What's an Overlady? Why did Docrow call Haqua a newborn demon? What's going on with this war? Where are the other girls? And who are you, anyways?"

There was silence for a moment. "I'm not gonna bother remembering all that. Too much work."

I scowled. There was something a little…_off_ about this nosy heroine. Perhaps she had a sub-class? "Name. Tell me your name."

The demon grinned, and at that point I decided I was extremely disturbed because I could feel her _lips _moving against the skin of my _leg_. Next time I must avoid getting into such tight quarters.

"That's easy. My name is Somnus. You might know me better as Sonic, though!"

* * *

"So you're a hedgehog?"

"W-what he meant to say is that it's an unusual name, Overlady."

"It's a code name," "Sonic" explained. "Just in case our com tech gets hacked into by the enemy, we're hoping that's enough to throw them off who's really talking."

"Oh I see. So basically you're trying to play spy in a desperate attempt to escape from the responsibilities of life, hoping for a good enough exploit-turned-real so that you can live the rest of your life easy with a six-figure advance and a good chunk of royalty for video game rights. It's not the smartest career choice, considering the sheer statistics of kidnapped female spy agents in need of rescuing. And by the way, I'm going to call you Sonia from now on. It's too weird called you Sonic."

"K-_keima_! Stop being rude!"

"Sonic" laughed. "You can call me Sonia if you want; coincidentally, that's what they nicknamed me."

"'They'?"

Sonic, now known as Sonia, said, "Your friends just outside."

I heard something unzipping.

With a bit of horror, I recognized Mercury's voice as the one entering my tent. "Aww, look at you guys so cuddly and comfortable! I feel so left out now…so don't mind me coming in!"

"Hey!" I yelled indignantly, but unfortunately a new weight had shoved in and was shifting around. Before I could berate Mercury, she sat down – on _my chest_.

"Guuuh! You're heavy!"

"And that's _such_ a nice thing to say to a woman," Mercury teased. "Jeez, toughen up, Keima!" And then, to what I think was the outside of the tent: "C'mon Minerva! You're missing out your share!"

"Sh-_share_? Dang it, what happened to competing with the others over me?" That had been the one thing Icould count on to abate getting a harem ending!

Harem endings meant forfeit of video games!

_Not an option_!

"Well, that's more Ayumi than me, and she ain't here right now, soo…come on in, Minerva, it won't hurt anyone sitting down here!"

"'Not hurt', my – AAAHH! MY FOOT!"

"Haha! Minerva, you little runt, you shouldn't have sat down so fast!"

A quiet voice murmured, "S-sorry."

Oh…never mind all this. Never mind that someone's using my head as a footrest, my chest as a stool, my legs as a pillow and my ankles as a chair. Never mind that I may be several hundred years in the past, that six people are missing, that this all happened because of a foolishly conceived game instigated by infatuated high school girls with mindsets so cliché they all attempted to use the same lame excuse for seeing me which only ended up making them look all the more ridiculous when everyone did it at the same time! Yes, never mind all this! This is only happening in the Real! I refuse to play along to these girl's blatant scenarios! They're not truly real!

What is absolute…what is really worth paying attention to…is my PFP!

Unfortunately, just before I tried to extricate it from my pocket, someone grabbed my hand and clamped down.

"Keima. S-sonia, Mercury and I have d-discussed things you need to hear."

…_If_ this was a game script, the dialogue box would probably describe something about Minerva's fingers around my hand shivering, her tone being hesitant, and her eyes being trembling and desperate. Her character art would be in its finest _moe_ glory. _If_ this was a game, this would be the moment where the character Minerva, lost, uncertain, and fearful, would reveal the secret obstacle; the reason she believes she cannot love me. From there, the capture would depend largely on how well I react to the news, and how I choose to accommodate it after the reveal.

Except I _wasn't_ trying to conquer Minerva! The capture had already been done – _twice _– and her love points should be maxed by this point! I should have no need to conquer her again! This new obstacle was Real's retarded way of baring its ugly and inferior replay value! I've no reason to listen to this freaking troll!

And, besides that…Minerva's tone suggested that the exposition was going to be really, really, _nasty_.

I was right.

"You m-might have realized already, but this is no mistake. This is no h-hallucination. We are truly in Hell."

Cue groan here. How was I supposed to get games now?

"As I've guessed earlier, we are also in the p-past. Seeing the surroundings only confirms that notion. By all rights, none of this s-should have happened. Haqua's knowledge means that she saw no traces of this in her history studies, and this event doesn't s-stand up to a cross-reference with both Mercury's and my memories of what truly occurred."

"So…we're not supposed to be here." Talk about the obvious.

"That's what one m-might think, but it's a hasty conclusion. It doesn't account for our o-own memories…"

"Eh?"

"…F-for example, my memories tell me that _this_ war had never even happened."

* * *

Again: "_Eh_?"

"N-not open war, at least. I-I thought that the real war had been covert. A c-coup d'état that had eventually been won when my final plan had its conditions satisfied. I…I remember, or at least I thought I did, sealing away N-n-nox with my own hands as my sisters powered the sacrificial spell that destroyed Old Hell demons permanently."

I tensed. (Haqua squeaked something about not turning my head again.)

"And _my_ memories," Mercury said, "are saying that this entire thing shouldn't be a war – it was supposed to be a tourney. As soon as I got into Hell, I got lucky and worked out a marionette spell that affected everyone involved, forcing all to participate in a round-robin, _mano a mano_, fight contest,with a wager between me and dear old Nox. I staked New Hell's freedom from slavery. She put Old Hell's co-operation to being sealed up for grabs. It was really close most of the time, since the random matchups ended up letting the sides alternate wins. I got my kicks out of it, all right, but even I got scared when we were behind. Eventually we won when I knocked Nox out.

"So you can see that our memories completely contradict not only to us going back in the first place, but also contradict_ each_ _other_. It might not be a bad guess to say that _both_ of our memories are incorrect."

I frowned. "But…if both of your memories are false…then that means we _are_ supposed to be here?"

"That can't be!" Haqua burst out. "If that was true, then why was there nothing in Hell's history textbooks about this?"

Sonia cut in. "It's not so hard for the victor of a war to rewrite history, you know. All that really needs to be done is to blur the memories of every witness still alive, and make a claim. _I _could certainly do that with my magic, and it would be so much easier than, say, overwriting two goddesses' memories. It's probably not smart to cite textbooks here."

"But then what about the goddesses? Overlady, you've already stated it's not easy to rewrite their memories! Why are they incorrect?"

There was a short pause before Minerva spoke up. "M-mercury and I…well…"

"Three hundred years is a long time," Mercury said simply. "We were sealed with most of the Weiss until ten years ago, or so Diana said. And I think I spent most of that time unconscious. So three hundred years is enough time to make just about anyone go cuckoo. Even me, funnily enough."

"A delirious state is a powerful one," Sonia added. "Take it from me; left for a time even as short as a day, any hallucinations seen in that state will take a very, very deep root into the mind. Even if the goddesses knew what truly happened before, any mental turmoil that occurred as they were isolated is surely enough to wipe away whatever they might have seen, and substitute new reality."

"So our four possibilities," I said, "are that Mercury's memories are right, or Minerva's memories are right, or Haqua's textbooks are right, or all of them are dead wrong. And the last one seems like the most probable route."

I could almost see Mercury's smirk as she said, "Amusing, no?"

"Then…we don't know what truly happened in the past. We don't know what events have been initiated, what route had been taken. But at least we know for sure what outcome ultimately prevailed. Even if the road to it is muddy, the ending is crystal clear…" A thought occurred to me. "Or at least…it should be."

Almost like she read my mind, Haqua said, "The past is such a complex topic. Some say that if people went back in time, it's because they _already_ went back in time, and that every action they take has already been accounted for in the past. The timeline is set in stone. Others believe that going back in time creates the possibilities of alternate futures, and whatever we do in the past may not affect _our_ future…but will irreversibly damage the affected past's future."

"So…we can also consider this an incident where we shouldn't be here, _at the same time_ that we should be."

The tent remained silent.

Minerva said, "I'd s-say we have a role to play here. If I'm right and it was truly entropy that made Mercury's spell so successful, then our partners' souls have been settled to p-precisely where the flow of space-time deemed them to be in their lowest energy state. L-like, like how heat flows to a cool place, or how water at height drops to the ground, the souls elsewhere were thrown to where they were needed. Almost as if they were g-guided by destiny." She looked away. "This conjecture m-might be stretching, however…"

"I think we need to minimize our impact on this time period," Haqua said brusquely. "The only way we got here was through a sheer accident on Mercury's part. There's no way to predict that kind of thing. And besides, it's hardly likely we could ever make a difference in a war! We should strive for ending where we get back home quickly, and deal with this place as little as possible."

"I have to agree with Haqua," I said. "There are too many factors unknown, and too many places where we can go wrong. Even if it's not always correct, inaction is best chance to avoiding events. Indeed, we should strive for…"

…Wait a minute…

"…Did I hear you right, Haqua? 'Strive for an ending'? I'm almost proud. I'm turning you into a proper gamer."

Funny thing – now that I was looking, I could see Haqua's legs turning red even in the dimness of the tent. Wow, I should tell her that sometime.

_CLANG!_

"Whoa, careful Miss Haqua, you could take off someone's head with that scythe."

"I-I-I apologize, Overlady! This man's just, he's…"

Perhaps I should distract her now. "Say, Haqua, did you know that even your legs turn red when you're praised? What kind of circulation –"

_Clang! Clang! Clang!_ "Shut _up_! Why do you pay attention to my legs and not _ME_?"

Her blows to my head were painful…but it was also getting repetitive and annoying! Was there something on my face? Was THAT why she kept attacking it?

"U-um, for now, our first priority is to s-search for our sisters…as well as A-ayumi Takahara and Shiori. Regardless of why we are now here, we absolutely need them to proceed."

"Thut hus uccuud tu mu," I mumbled, my mouth somewhat swollen. "Huwuvuu, Ui'v auweddy –"

"Speak clearly, little Keima."

"Ahem – I've already thought about a way to search for the other goddesses. I can't think of anything for Shiori and Ayumi, however, so we may be forced to leave them for now until other options become known."

Haqua muttered mutinously, "Another brilliant plan for searching the goddesses, huh? What is it this time, capturing the hearts of the entire Underworld realm and picking the five most likely demons to host the goddesses?"

"Not quite. With luck, I won't need to conquer anyone at all for this problem. In fact, just by knowing, we're already 33% of the way there. I can confidently say –" With difficulty, I reached up and smugly adjusted my glasses, ignoring Haqua's startled cry. "I will find the rest of the goddesses within one week!"

"Dear, dear Keima, that probably should have looked cool and all, but it doesn't when you're hiding underneath a demon's skirt."

I ignored the remark. "The first person I need is the highest-ranking demon in the army."

"That would be me."

* * *

I blinked. "I – what?"

Sonia turned on the ground; I could tell because I now felt the back of her head on my lap. "I said, that would be me. I'm one of the highest-ranking demons in this entire army."

I believe the look on my face is half _This Real Girl is sprouting bull_ and half _Did I leave my earphones in?_

Haqua explained, "It's a system derived from human military when New Hell defected from Old Hell, then known as the Nox dictatorship. An Overlady is the highest rank in New Hell's army, identified with four gold stars on their person. They were the three most powerful demons of the army."

"Eeh, dunno about that. Docrow, certainly, and Lucky deserves her title, especially considering she's not a horned demon – she's a freaking _genius – _but me? I was only picked because no one else wanted the position."

"A-anyways, the rank is similar to a Commander-in-Chief of a human army, with ultimate authority over all forces. One of the key differences is that while there is only one Commander-in-Chief, there are three Overladies – they rotate who has the title in practice while the others have the title as a formality. Overladies had the last say in everything, including the reconstruction of the government when the war was over. The codenames for the Overladies of New Hell were Sonic, Dark, and Lucky."

"Strange name choices," I said.

"Well, my textbook justified the use of codenames by saying that the Overladies could live their lives after without being hounded by their former fame. True enough, I couldn't find them because I didn't know their legal names, and no one ever said they've seen one of the Overladies before. In fact…Overladies technically shouldn't be giving out their names…"

"Whoops! You're completely right. I was so drowsy I forgot, hehe."

"Erm… A-anyways, that's also why I didn't realize Chief Sk – I mean, Overlady Dark – was an Overlady, despite working under her all this time. So if you need a high-ranking demon, you should ask Overlady Sonic, or Overlady Dark, or Overlady Lucky."

"I see…" So my options were the sleep lady, the bald lady, and an unknown lady? I've no idea who Lucky would be, of course, so my options were currently limited to Sonia or Docrow. I spoke out loud: "Not Sonia, then. She represents the sin of sloth so well she's likely to have chronic amnesia."

"K-keima! Watch your tongue!"

"Haha! It's so true, though!"

With difficulty, I finally extricated my head from being strapped down by Haqua's legs, shifted to allow the so-called Overlady's head to fall off, and yanked out my feet from under Minerva. "Please get off of me, Mercury, I need to talk to Docrow Skull."

"Overlady Dark," Haqua corrected.

"Only if you promise to come back with a kiss," Mercury said, sliding off.

"Not going to happen." I looked to Sonia, who was still hooded. "Can I –"

"You're not considered a POW anymore, if that's what you're wondering," she said. With obvious reluctance, she uncurled herself from the floor, groaning. "I need to get back, anyways. If I don't take over Docrow's watch now she's going to curse my sleeping bag. Ugh…!"

She fully opened the exit of the cramped tent, and we stumbled outside.

That was the first time I had a good look at the New Hell demons' camp properly. It was a bit of a disappointment; most of the tents, including the one I stumbled out of, were bland and in the same colour as the dusty beige ground. Mine was by far the smallest, but not by much, as none of the tents had room for more than one person – they obviously did not have the budget for a full-scale living environment. The biggest tent was a four by four by three metres structure placed at the centre of the small campground that had several people constantly entering and exiting every minute. The command centre, obviously. But it was hardly living quarters, and surely not a place where people could dine.

In fact, now that I looked around, there was no smoke or anything from campfires at all. No conspicuous stalls for washroom breaks, either. The whole place, overall, was simply too small and too undersupplied with living commodities. Did demons even bother to live here?

Then again, there were surprisingly few demons around to begin with. I had seen at least six hundred on New Hell's side from the battle; Haqua had confirmed that number. Where did they all go? I could see no clue inside the camp, nor outside, in the distance.

I glanced at the sky. No sun, still, even though the ground was lit enough to see. All that was in place of a blue sky was black. I should ask someone about that; it was starting to unsettle me.

Sonia removed her hood, and I saw her face for the first time.

She was distinctly European; her hair was a dark shade of blond that was messy and reached halfway down her back, and her eyes were emerald green that was locked in a perpetual struggle between opening fully or closing. Her right cheekbone had a dark spot that was either a beauty mark or mud from sleeping on the ground. In video games, her character design would actually be fairly _moe_, but only if she was in cute pajamas and a much younger body; if a magical age-up pill ever existed for heroines, Sonia would be the weird result.

However, what remained of her endearing characteristics were sharply countered by a flat, pale horn that acted like a shield for covering her right temple, as well as black flame tattoos on the left side of her face. Or maybe they were runes, I'm not sure. What I did know, though, was that the black tendrils curling around her eyes and splayed out over her cheek were quite unsettling. If it had been invisible and then showed up at her power-ups, _then_ I could consider it a smart inclusion to the character, but leaving it out at all time only made it seem like she had an incurable disease that got worse every time the tattoo grew.

"Like it?" Sonia had noticed my staring. "This was a heckuva expensive to paint on, but it does its job nicely. Some symbols store and accumulate energy for up to twenty times my usual capacity; some of them are defensive seals; and some of them are even shortcuts to the more common spells I use." She grinned and touched a tendril of the fire that was just underneath her lower lip. "This one, specifically, is the sleep spell I used on you. Ordinarily I'd just touch it and select a target under five thousand feet away, but today I decided it was easier to make direct contact."

I grunted unhappily. At least I knew they were runes now. In fact, now that I looked closer, I saw tiny patterns of white inside the flames; they weren't solid black.

Haqua spoke. "Of course, some demons tattoo themselves for the intimidation factor, or to emulate the upper-class demons. The runes were signs of power, and pretty much the only demons that didn't have them were the newborn ones – those under twenty years old. But all that changed when New Hell defected, and people started using reason exclusively. Then, unless they had a practical purpose, runes on the body were just ugly blemishes, and suddenly everyone wanted them off."

"You sure know your contemporary studies," Sonia drawled. "Well, I guess for you it's just history."

Haqua huffed. "Not even close! I know someone who used to work part-time as a camerawoman, and she saw the protests against the free tattoo removal legislation first hand. They were just _awful_. Even though, on average tattooed demons are discriminated against 24% more –"

I firmly clasped a hand over Haqua's mouth. "That's enough. In games, telling the future to the past generally puts the existence of said future in crisis. There's no point stirring this up."

Haqua fidgeted.

Sonia said, "Is it just me, or is she getting embarrassed?"

"Mmmmh!" Haqua cried.

"Or maybe she's just choking."

"Ah, of course." And then I released her.

As she sputtered, someone suddenly latched onto me.

"Keima!"

Pink hair, ordinary glasses that was a bit large, and a green cap defined Kanon Nakagawa in her summer "civilian" wear. Her equally pink long-sleeved shirt was no longer dripping as it had been in my house, and she beamed with radiance that could probably light up a city block, though that had nothing on the power usage of my PFP.

But where had she been? I asked her that.

"Oh! We were a few tents away, in a sort of first aid tent. We were told it was for treatment of shock, and they wanted to separate the boys and girls, so that's why you had your own tent. I-I couldn't wait to see you, though. So I snuck out early." She smiled warmly. "I'm glad you're here with me, Keima. I was so scared when Minerva said we were in Hell, and then that horrible fight…but then I knew, if you're beside – Eep!"

"'Eep'?"

"Er, that was –" She gave another start, and caught I saw it this time.

"Tsukiyo?" Her small frame had made her invisible behind Kanon, which was why I didn't see her sharply jab Kanon's side the first time. Her ruddy raincoat was gone; underneath, she had been wearing a red dress, of all things. Who goes to someone's house in a dress? Her expression was fixed on me.

"Hello, Keima. Are you feeling better?"

"Could be worse," I said, which was true. A sudden, forced kiss could've resulted in being dragged into a supernatural murder mystery, or being turned into frogs…at least, in games, it did. "Did you meet Sonia yet?"

She scowled, though I wasn't sure why. "If you mean the Overlady, then yes."

"She was the one who saw us first," Kanon told me, grasping me tighter. "When we first woke up, and we thought it was just our imaginations – Eep! T-tsukiyo! Please stop!"

"Then stop clinging on to Keima, it's disgusting. Really, it's almost like you're trying to glue him onto your hip or something. Do all idols act this way?"

Her face somewhat flushed, Kanon let me go. "Er, so…" she said awkwardly, "what should we do now, though?"

"For now, we're going to talk to Overlady Dark."

Kanon's eyes widened. Tsukiyo looked startled, and said, "Are you serious? The Overlady that everyone avoids?"

"Eh?"

Kanon said, "Our matron's scared stiff of her! She said that Overlady Dark's mood is always unpredictable, and she always screams at the other army officers! That's why there are so few people who want to be promoted!"

"News to me," Sonia said dryly. Kanon flushed again and Tsukiyo withdrew slightly.

"_Who_ said that?" Haqua said sharply. "Overlady Dark is the most compassionate leader in Hell! She's always forgiving and lenient. The sole reason so many girls graduate the Academy is because of _her_ help! There's no way she would ever get mad at anyone!"

"That…" Sonia started, then admitted, "is also news to me."

"Eh?"

"What do you mean, Overlady?"

"It's actually these two humans who are closer to the truth. Docrow is a horned demon, but after a particularly nasty duel with Nox – that was before we defected, mind you – she lost them. Ever since, she's been in a permanently bad mood, lashing out at other demons left and right. Part of the reason why she's such an effective campaigner against the Nox dictatorship, though I didn't know 'til now that that was hurting our recruitment a tad, too."

Haqua looked lost. "But…that's…huh?"

I was slightly worried, myself. I had never met Docrow Skull, but if Haqua's behaviour was any indication, this was also something was worryingly off. Why were there so many differences? Was it possible we weren't in the past, but instead, a completely alternate dimension? Stupid Real and its innumerable, mind-defying, totally illogical routes…

…No, I can't get distracted by the why. I shouldn't even be trying to explain this. "All that matters is that we go back to where we came from. Let this sort itself out."

Tsukiyo nodded, and after a slight hesitation, so did Kanon. Haqua didn't quite respond, but turned away slightly. Sonia shrugged, and said, "Docrow's in that big tent. Shall we go, then?"

She moved towards said location, and we followed.

I asked, "Say, I thought Haqua said you weren't supposed to say the real names of the Overladies?"

Sonia glanced at me, surprised. "I didn't."

"But you said 'Docrow'."

"Oh, _that_?" Sonia laughed out loud. "That's not her real name! That's a nickname!"

"Wh-_what_?" Haqua exclaimed.

"It's 'cause she's always so shrewd and foul-mooded, looking at other people like she's about to tear them apart. Just like a vulture. So I started calling her 'Crow' out of boredom!"

"She acted like a vulture so you called her a crow?" I deadpanned.

"Somewhere along the way, I started calling her 'Dark the Crow', and then it turned into 'Dark Crow', and recently it turned into a portmanteau – 'Darkrow'!" She laughed again. "Then it stuck, and some green recruit started calling her 'Docrow' by mistake – boy, did she blow up on the poor girl! I kinda pitied her, so I started calling Dark 'Docrow', too! Well, at least she doesn't mind it anymore – though people still stick to 'Overlady Dark', just to be on the safe side."

"Oh!" Haqua said suddenly, her face turning into an uneasy smile. "Maybe I was wrong then. 'Docrow Skull' is the Section Chief's legal name. They're probably not the same person."

"Well, who knows," Sonia chuckled. "Maybe Docrow herself. Go on and ask her."

And then she swept open the curtain-like entrance to the tent.

* * *

Overlady Dark was easily the most noticeable demon of the group – like Sonia had said, she was one of the few with no horns, though now that I had a closer look now, I did notice slight stumps just above her temple area. She was also heavily scarred, and as I noticed before, bald, like the muzzle of a battle-addicted lion. Her skin was still eerily pale, her eyes still sunken in to the point of nonexistence, and now I noticed that her lips were excessively thin, so that when she opened her mouth the entirety of her teeth showed, which was really creepy because she never had a grin on her face. She had no runes on her; every other demon had _some_ mark on them, whether on their faces or the hands poking out of their cloaks. Lastly, she was the one shouting at the top of her lungs; everyone else were simply listening and carrying out the orders.

"–the feedback, _now_, the toolboxes indicates reinforcements are _two hours_, _MAX_! It's that retarded goddess' fault, get her into the six-o'-clock route, use whatever distractions she has! Damn it all, the second advance unit's already been wiped out, start packing up! It's a freaking _eighty percent_ complete, and Pyramid's estimated at two weeks, we need the resources coming in faster! Sonic, you dumb, slow – WHAT IN HELL WERE YOU SMOKING DRAGGING THE POWS IN HERE?"

"You said we weren't prisoners of war anymore," I muttered quietly.

"You're not," Sonia said brightly. "She just likes calling you that."

"You – you – this is a _highly confidential area_! Two stars or above, get that _in your freaking head_, and GET THEM OUT!"

"We'll only just take a moment," I interrupted. I noticed that everyone had stopped moving, and was staring at me. I wondered, was it because of the effect of my status as the God of Conquest? I was almost flattered, but then again, God doesn't need flattery. "Overlady Dark, since Overlady Sonic already knows, am I right in assuming you should know how we came here, too?"

"Who doesn't?" a demon muttered.

"Shut up!" Docrow snapped. To me: "What you want is _your_ affair, and yours _only_. We are fighting a _war_ here, and we intend to do so _without needing to babysit children_!" Then to Sonia, "Stop encouraging him! And stop being so damn _intimate_ with the boy!"

I said sharply, "We came here with four other goddesses, too. Goddesses that we were separated from. I can't believe you don't want to search for them."

"Four more near-powerless goddesses have nothing to give us. They're a waste of time to recruit!"

"Keima," Haqua whispered, "you can't be thinking of letting the new goddesses interfere with this war–"

"That's not what I meant," I stated softly, ignoring Haqua. "I'm just saying it's mutually beneficial for us if you conduct your tests now. For your goddess research, I mean. Am I right, Overlady?"

Silence crashed down. A lot of demons suddenly looked surprised at the very idea of their leader, for once, being quiet. The rest had stricken looks on their faces, and were fearfully staring into whatever was in their hands like it might flash a "Game Over" screen.

"Huh," Sonia said, for once sounding fully alert.

So I was right.

And then a hand crashed into my neck, making me choke out. Docrow had moved so quickly, all that I saw was a blur. Even worse, in the span of another second she lifted me high – then higher – and now we were dangling about thirty metres from the ground. Thoughtlessly, I tried to reach down with my feet, but that just made the pain on my neck even worse.

Then a wave of pure _fury_ exploded from the demon, snapping my head back from the magical manifestation it caused. If I wasn't frightened before, I was now; I could no longer be sure if Docrow will restrain from killing me until I had a chance to talk.

"_Where did you hear that_,_ human_?"

"Guh – buh – argh –"

She didn't let go. My vision started distorting, then blacking. I got desperate. "Geh – di –"

In the same instant, two hands wrapped around Docrow's in a steely grip, making her hold ever so slightly looser.

"Docrow," Sonia said, her voice back to its drowsy but affectionate tone, "seeing as we're emulating humans, it probably doesn't make sense to try to kill a human guest."

The other hand belonged to the weird Mars. "Special human. Great destiny. _Do not harm him_."

Wait, what?

When Docrow didn't let go, Mars said sharply, "_You_ said it. No display of power. But now Nox _knows_. Hypocrite."

Docrow growled, and then let go.

My stomach plummeted, but luckily Sonia stopped my body from following by grabbing me under my arms. "Yeah, next time? Try not to blurt out sensitive information around the rest of the army, please?"

"Keima!" I heard Haqua call, and with a glance down, I saw her rising skyward through the hole in the tent we had just been in. "Are you all right?"

"Nevermind that," I wearily said, and then glanced up at Docrow. "Are you going to use your goddess detection machine or not?"

"Goddess detection –?" Haqua began to ask.

"_Explanation_," Docrow hissed venomously, and I got the sense that she could kill me on the spot if she wanted.

I touched my first explosive collar. I wondered if it would spare me if I told her that a demon's life was tied to mine. The answer was, I didn't know. That card was no longer something I should risk, at least not here. Besides, we needed to find the goddesses at any cost.

"In our time, we encountered a group called Vintage. They were a radical group stuck to the Old He – er, Nox dictatorship ideals. To do so, they infiltrated Hell's enforcement sectors and attempted to kill the goddesses when they showed up on Earth again. This was made possible by Nox…_brand_, magic, and more importantly, a small-range device that detected a goddess' presence." I hesitated, weighing my choices. I didn't really want to reveal the future, especially not after berating Haqua earlier, but there was no way Docrow would trust me without it. "Something they had to get from _New Hell_, because the Nox dictatorship was destroyed at that point."

Sonia was almost looking amused. Docrow's face was stoic, but I couldn't read anything more. (She was pretty much a skull, after all.) Mars' expression was also indiscernible…but what it only my imagination, that she looked somewhat murderous?

"But why this time period?" Haqua protested. "I mean, what makes you so certain that the technology was developed in this war? Even in demon time, technology three hundred years old is outdated –"

"Haqua, even you have never heard of goddesses until Diana made herself known; therefore, this war must be the last time that Hell had contact with heavenly beings until present day. The technology could only have been developed in this war, or even farther in the past, while there were still tests they could carry out to make sure it was working." I glanced back at Docrow. "Besides, _her_ reaction made it pretty clear that they were definitely working on something goddess-related. It's turned into a question of _what_ they're developing, not _if_."

Still, strangling me over it was a tad of an overreaction. But then again, I had no idea what this demon was capable of.

Mars turned back to Docrow. "Truth," she stated simply.

Docrow didn't respond. Sonia did: "Yup, we were researching ways of detecting goddesses. Before you ask, it was for morale; our people were getting desperate, it woulda been nice to have a heads-up on whether a goddess was even coming our way. Of course, it wasn't much use when you only showed up today and our prototype sensors didn't so much as whistle."

I gave a start. "Mars only arrived earlier _today_? I assumed she had been here a while."

Mars grimaced. "No. We wanted to help. Father opposed us. I disliked it. Broke out. Left sisters in Heaven."

Huh. So only Mars was currently in Hell (aside from the goddesses from the future).

"In the interest of gaining your trust," Sonia continued, "I'll also admit that we _were_ developing some anti-heaven weaponry in case the deities were against our cause. Unlikely, but we had to be prepared for all possibilities. Most of the heaven research was done in secret, though. So, what would you like us to do with them?"

Sonia had posed the question casually, like she was asking for directions to the local video game store. Mars absorbed it with equally little indication of significance, or so I thought until she calmly said, "Destroy. Sisters will _not_ be harmed."

"_No_," I refuted.

Everyone looked at me.

"At least, don't do anything to the detector. We still need it to find the others."

Haqua added, "A-and, if it's gone, who knows how the future will be changed?"

Mars mulled it over for a moment, then nodded. "Very well. Finish detector. Allow its use. Then destroy."

"_No_." This time, it was Docrow who spoke. She addressed to me, "I refuse to trust you, human. In the midst of our campaign against Nox, you and a ragtag group of non-mortals have appeared and caused ripples that could be felt all over New Hell Society. You have upset our serene progression, and the only thing you gave–"

"'Serene'?" I repeated.

At the same time, Sonia snorted. "Yeah, a progression – to losing."

"_Shut up_!" Docrow rasped. "My point is this, human – you gave only _empty words_! Uncertain assurances as to who will win the war! But you gave nothing concrete! You have caused a disturbance, with nothing to give for the troubles. Until you do, I refuse to help you in any way!"

"What troubles?" I asked exasperatedly. "Nearly revealed a secret, which was an accident. Had treatment for shock, which anyone might get from being chucked through the past. Got kissed, which was completely Sonia's fault."

"Hey, watch it. I could drop you, you know." I knew from her tone that Sonia was joking.

Docrow said, "And they _were_ all troubles. Because of you, our relationship to Heaven has been strained. Because of you, we wasted valuable supplies and personnel on your medical care. Because of you, our army now has six hundred distracted warriors who all suddenly want a turn to _kiss_ you."

"…Wait, WHAT?" I yelled. Behind me, Haqua sighed almost exasperatedly.

"Never you mind! Be glad all we ask, despite your meddling, is a simple exchange! You help us, we help you. So _make_ your soothings into reality. _Work up_ to them."

My jaw dropped. Was she being _serious_?

"I will allow you our research's usage _only_ when you and your companions contribute to victory in this war and _after_ the defeat of Nox!"


	5. Parallel Paradox

_**A/N As of chapter 194, I should probably clarify: this is an AU (alternate universe), or more specifically AR (alternate reality), that uses the same time-travel concept but brings back Keima, the goddesses, and Haqua 300 years into the past, landing them in Hell, while in canon only Keima goes back only 10 years. Also, since this started before the goddesses arc finished, Mercury's character is a bit different.**_

_**Initially, there was supposed to be one chapter, except it got so big I had to split it into three (plus?) chapters. And originally, there was also supposed to be the first really major plot twist at the end of the chapter, but, uh, yeah. Postponed. Mark my words, though: sooner or later, Keima **_**will**_** see Hell in its true definition.**_

_**So with that cheery thought, enjoy.**_

******Disclaimer: The World God Only Knows is owned by Tamiki Wakaki. I own absolutely nothing in relation to this work, except for the plot of this particular story.**

* * *

Plot twists were the dumbest things invented before the advent of Mary Sue. I am well aware that such assertions will differ between any critics one cares to ask, but the genre I reigned over was galges, where choices and calculations had to be made from hints and deduction gained through interaction. It was no place for a contingency.

Still, I tried to be understanding. I constantly reminded myself that, no matter how superior my art was, callow scriptwriters were simply fond of pulling stunts with absolutely no foreshadowing. I reasoned that it was to keep the audience engaged through glaringly thoughtless renditions. I got the fact that it was okay to create its own fair share of unaddressed plot holes. I comprehended that obnoxious overreliance on blatant deus ex machina was considered fine. And most of all, I came to terms with the events aimed at the general demolishing of _carefully built plans_ into an exploding mess one might expect from the smashing of a computer screen the ignoble developers engineered any lesser man into. Yes, I _completely_ understood!

This was one of _those_ events. It's not every day that Real pulls a stunt to the extent of inviting me to an Underworld revolution, and to do so would have even larger implications that actually getting thrown into the past. The latter, per se, wouldn't necessarily get me killed, while the former had such a high percentage I didn't want to think about it.

So naturally, my response to the plot twist was this:

"I refuse to audit your sound waves until it's been thoroughly filtered through my Sony MDR DS3000 Digital Surround Sound Binaural Headphones custom-fitted with 24-carat gold wires and noise-canceling technology!"

Silence.

Haqua coughed. "What he meant to say is that it is a…_formidable_ task you've given us, Overlady. I must respectfully agree; I'm afraid that the front lines of a demon army are a little _too_ unsuitable for us."

Docrow laughed humourlessly. "Front lines? You think _I_'d be reckless enough to put useless _humans_ on the front lines? By Pluto, that would be a nightmare! You have enough magic to overflow a hill, and you're a worse choice for giving weapons compared to drugged, limbless two-year old babies. On the field you'd destroy my army's formations unless we nail signs onto you, except you'd still be blocking my army's line of fire until you're full of steel and spells. Even when you're thankfully dead, you'd cause a trip hazard, despite your body being too mellow to be used as a shield from fireballs. And after that's all said and done, we're still honour-bound to risk lives to recover whatever remains of your body so we can dump it into the Lethe. No, no, that is the worst idea I've ever heard! You're much better off being ammunition for our catapults!"

"I believe humans have a term for that," Sonia dryly commented. "Inhumane."

"True. Perhaps we can immolate them for rituals, instead."

"Strategically wiser," Mars admitted. "Still cruel."

"The intel team, then? Wait, nevermind, I want them about as close to our reports as they can stand from the sun and not fry. Being beast caretakers may be the better choice."

Haqua weakly said, "I thought the hellhounds' natural prey is humans."

"Oh, very true." Docrow smiled a creepy, no-lip grin. "In that case, why not get a position with the housekeeping staff? I've been meaning to tackle our backlog of dirty dishes. Some delicacies just don't die nicely."

* * *

**Chapter 4 –**

_Parallel Paradox_

* * *

"Unacceptable!" I snapped. "Do you realize exactly what you're doing?"

"I'm raising my army's chance of victory by a depressingly infinitesimal percentage."

"Wrong! You're stripping me of my Right to Game!"

Haqua promptly facepalmed as I lectured.

"For those ignorant, the Right to Game is one of the three most fundamental aspects agreed to in the Katsuragi Treaty of 2010, and a hard-won freedom that replaced the now-deprecated Freedom of Video Games! Specifically, the Right to Game states that _Real shall have no influence respecting an establishment of time or setting, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the Right to Game; or the right of I peaceably to game, and to petition the household for a proceeds of provisions_–"

"Now do you see why he needs a babysitter, Docrow?"

"An astute observation," Docrow noted. "I shall keep that in mind if I ever use him as bait."

"_Bait_?"

"Apologies, child of du Rot Herminium. Of course I meant to say, 'If I ever deploy him with our prestigious Air Force'."

"He can't even fly. See?" And then Sonia had the audacity to toss me in mid-air. I had just enough time to yelp before I painfully crashed into Haqua. ("Ow! Oh no, my games!" "W-what are – _hands OFF_!" _Clang!_)

"Oh, it depends on the definition of flying, Sonic. He'll certainly be in the air if he's yanked up by a snare trap."

"So he _is_ bait?"

"Precisely. Now come; I've wasted enough time with these imbeciles. Six 'o clock, Mars!"

Around Docrow, the air shattered, winding around her like a black, animated bramble bush before it all warped, taking the Overlady with it. Mars gave me a look, and then made an impossibly fast jump; I could not see where she landed.

"…Sonia?"

"I know what you're going to ask. No, I'm not willing to go against Docrow's orders. It's not worth the effort, and in a way I have to agree with her. This war is the only thing that matters to us right now, and if there's anything that might directly affect it – like blackmailing you guys into working with us – I'll take it for the good of demonkind. You're welcome to ask me for help on anything else, though." Suddenly Sonia laughed. "Mars was right. I can tell, Keima, just how powerful your mind is; I don't know about having a great destiny, but you sure are a special human. Not to mention, you had the foresight to bring back a demon who knows what she's doing."

Haqua blushed, seemingly proud. "O-oh, well, it wasn't really foresight on – this was just an accident, and, um…"

Sonia grinned. Then she groaned. "Ugh, time for me to work. Haqua can walk you around, Keima. Later, you two."

With that, she dropped whatever spell she had been using to float, and fell quickly into the tent. I didn't hear her crash into the ground, though, through a new hole she made in the command tent, I saw her walk around.

"This…" I muttered. "This is absolutely ridiculous."

Haqua's smile vanished; she now looked unnerved. "I agree. The implications of this situation…it's really bad. There's no way we'd avoid influencing major aspects of the past if we get drawn into a war."

"This is preposterous."

"You already said that."

"This is incomprehensible!"

Haqua blinked. "Um, what –?"

"I don't believe it!" I near-screamed. "I _got her character wrong_!"

"…What?"

"_SONIA!_ I knew something was off when I thought she had a sub-class – the curious heroine HAS no subclass! I was totally wrong! I made an assertion from one indication of her actions and I entirely missed out on the fact that _that_ was the exception, not whatever she did afterwards! She was a _lazy heroine _stereotype, not a curious one! GAH! I'M LOSING MY TOUCH! CURSE YOU, REAL!"

"Y-you idiot –! This is no time to be concerned with games! We're still stuck here, and we need to get home!"

I ignored her. "No…no…! I must recharge! I must re-budget my times so that I can complete as many of my games as possible!" I frantically searched my school uniform's pockets."Argh, I only brought five discs with me! I can't believe it! I know I had more with me last night!"

"'Last'…? _Who goes to bed in their school uniform?_"

"Shut up, Haqua! Change of wear matter not in the almighty face of Plot!"

Which was when Haqua decided to take the beating scythe out. _Clang!_

"OW! Wait a minute…"

"Focus, Keima! Or else I'll cast so many spells on you –"

Whatever she was about to say next was drowned out by my horrified shriek. "WHERE'S YOKKYUN?"

"Yok – that game of yours? Wasn't it your favourite or something?"

"Yes, yes, YES!" I howled. "I can't find her! But I had her with me this morning! I know I started to play through her route –" And then I suddenly remembered. That psychopathic, psychokinetic… "_VULCAAAAAN_!"

"What now?" Haqua exasperatedly asked.

"She _stole_ her from me, and gave her to Tsukiyo! Put me down, Haqua! I need to rescue Yokkyun!"

"If only you had this much enthusiasm for Weiss…" Haqua muttered, but she started descending nonetheless. "What's so good about games, anyways?"

"You _still_ haven't learned about their infallible characteristics, Haqua, despite being exposed for so long? I'm disappointed in you."

"Watch it, Keima! I can still drop you!"

I decided that that was one point I shouldn't argue. "Tch! This is why I prefer virtual girls! Real is so illogical! And speaking of which…" I adjusted my glasses. "Docrow Skull."

Haqua suddenly halted.

"Is she or is she not the same person?"

"…I don't know," Haqua admitted. "This Overlady is a little taller than the Section Chief, but…the Section Chief transferred her soul into an artificial body, and I don't know exactly when the process took place. Their personalities are so different, yet they seem to give me the same feeling. I think they even use the exact same spell to relocate themselves, though without closer scrutiny… I-I really can't know for sure…"

"So we're still not in any position to say this is an alternate past, yet…not that it matters, of course," I concluded. "It makes no difference. Our moves shall be the same. However, I'd be put at ease if only I could completely comprehend the situation…"

"Keima! Keima, are you okay?" I heard a voice call below me. I looked down, catching sight of Kanon and Tsukiyo, outside of the large tent and looking worried sick.

"We're fine, thanks for asking!" Haqua called back somewhat touchily.

"Let's move, Haqua," I told her. "Everyone needs to co-operate if we are to return as soon as possible."

So Haqua finally grounded us outside of the tent. Kanon tried to fuss over me, worrying over my neck injury, while Tsukiyo hung back, seemingly absorbed in her doll but stealing a few glances at me.

I took the opportunity. "Tsukiyo, may I have Yokkyun back?"

Her face immediately turned to annoyance. "There's an ugly sort of irony in your habit of nicknaming female games characters while you talk to us like strangers."

Haqua snickered.

"What did you expect from the God of Conquest?" I said patiently. "Now, Yokkyun, please."

"And you don't even deny it," Tsukiyo muttered.

"I am many things, but I am not a liar…when I don't need to be."

"Then tell us. What were you hoping to accomplish by getting yourself almost killed?"

I frowned. "If I tell you, will you give Yokkyun back?"

"Just tell us."

Well, it _was_ true I should move to the next stage quickly. Yokkyun, please forgive me… Even if not now, I shall rescue you soon… "Fine. As you both know about the goddess detector –" All the goddesses, and through them the conquered girls, had been told the entire story behind my conquering of Real girls from the day I was tricked into signing my contract – "I merely deduced that New Hell must have developed it, which was proven true by the confrontation I had mere moments ago. Therefore, it's one resource we can use to locate your respective goddesses."

"But before we can use it," Haqua gloomily continued, "we have to help out the war effort – and only when the war's done, are we able to use that device."

Kanon gasped. Tsukiyo nodded grimly.

"WRONG!"

All three girls jumped at my outburst, while I stared at Haqua in annoyance. "Haqua, you need to slow down. That's jumping to conclusions where we have lots of possibilities left!"

"W-what? But Overlady Dark told us, flat out, that we weren't allowed to –"

"I was _not_," I emphasized, "going to her for the sole purpose of seeking permission! My priority was learning about its stage of completion and its level of security, and the best person to gauge this from is the top person in the demon hierarchy, who I guessed was the leader of this army."

"But what good will that do?" the demon protested. "If we can't use it –"

"I told you that you're jumping to conclusions. Simply because it's not approved doesn't mean we can't do it."

Haqua paled. "You're not thinking of crossing a demon who can give the order to literally burn you in Hell, are you?"

"That may become an eventuality – and if it is, then I'll have to prepare an escape plan, at the same time. But there is no need to, yet. Our priority is locating the other goddesses; Vulcan, Apollo, Diana, and Mars – the future one, I mean. Hopefully, we can find a way to find Shiori and Ayumi at the same time, as well as a way to return home, if Minerva and Mercury has not thought of one yet." I rubbed my chin thoughtfully. "However…I need to know something that may prove vital. Haqua!"

She flinched. "Y-yes?"

"Answer this in full."

"Okay…?"

"Explain that comment Docrow made about six hundred soldiers all wanting to kiss me."

To say that Haqua blushed was an understatement; at my words, the demon immediately sequenced through several shades of red colourful enough to rival fire trucks, started sputtering incoherently what I imagine would show up as severe abuse of punctuations in dialogue boxes, and then started to physically quiver as if she was woozy, before slapping herself sharply. She managed to breathe, clenched her fists, and confronted me with a respectable amount of recovered dignity.

This immediately crumbled at her next sound which was a rather strangled shriek of "I CAN'T DO IT!" followed by –

_Clang!_

– A blow to the head, _ow_, should've seen that coming. "Unh! You – what's your _problem_?"

"You stupid, stupid human! YOU'RE my problem! Why are you always getting me in these embarrassing situations? It's not fair! This isn't befitting a district leader!" And then she must've realized I was staring at her, because she reddened even further and covered her face with her hands (as if that would help). "S-stop looking at me! It's all your fault, Keima! If you hadn't been a _boy_, if you hadn't dropped into the middle of an army of _girls_, if you hadn't freaking _kissed Overlady Sonic_ – ARGH! STUPID HORMONES!"

I blinked. "Wait. The reason six hundred soldiers are all in romantic turmoil now is because of accumulated, demonic, and post-pubescent _hormones_?"

"Yes! No! Yes! No –!" Haqua clamped her hands over her ears, shut her eyes, and screamed "YES!"

"That can't be right," I said suspiciously. "All right, I can understand being distracted by workplace disturbance. But there should still be no reason for me to become a target of osculation – quite the opposite, in fact, especially with their leader acting scandalously. Is there something more to this that I'm uninformed of?"

Haqua was, oddly enough, on the verge of tears. She was forcing her mouth closed, though her lips trembled, and her grip on her scythe made it tremble, which made me consider stepping back a little.

Unexpectedly, Kanon was the one who spoke up. "Well…the rest of us heard this from our matron, while we were being taken care of…"

At once, Haqua whirled on Kanon. "Don't tell him!"

Tsukiyo rebuffed, "There's no point hiding it. Keima already suspects something; better he hear it from us, instead of from these demons after the fact." Her lips curled up in disdain.

That was curious. What could Tsukiyo be scornful about? The New Hell demons, or the "after the fact" she referred to?

"You know this, Keima," Kanon said, "but we were put to sleep when we first arrived because the New Hell Society was only willing to trust the goddesses and a fellow demon. To prove they were from the future, Haqua volunteered to show off her celestial robe –"

"_Showcase_," Haqua stiffly said.

"No, you were showing off, demon," Tsukiyo calmly said. "Our nurse was pretty clear on that. Acting like a pompous fool, boasting about your technological knowledge, even hinting at what happens in the future, generally acting like you were an important figure. Those were stupid moves to make, no matter how much disillusioned entitlement you had. The only beautiful thing about it is the irony you were slapped with."

Before Haqua could get offended, Kanon hurried on. "In any case, one of the examples Haqua demonstrated was the video display functionality of her celestial robe. I've been told that it hasn't been patented in this time period."

"And very few demons can create visual illusions using spells, even in the future," Haqua forced out. "This would've been proof that we really came from a point where technology advanced more than now."

Tsukiyo continued, "So she rewinded and played out to the entire audience – on the biggest screen she could manage –" Tsukiyo glared at Haqua – "the last few minutes recorded in her robe. Unfortunately, this demon appears to have forgotten exactly what happened the few minutes before."

"Ah!" I exclaimed, nodding. "The kiss."

Silence.

"You unjustly called me a pervert all this time –"

_CLANG!_ "SHUT UP!"

I rubbed the bump on my head. Curse that scythe! "But it should make no difference. You're insinuating that demons can get romantically spurred over a tiny event like a _kiss_, against such a dreary backdrop, between complete strangers, one even with a bland, godforsaken _hood_ over her face… Honestly, that's tasteless. Can that possibly be called enticing in any sense of the word?"

It was intended to be a rhetorical question, but all three girls looked at each other, and simultaneously blushed.

"Yes."

"Yup…"

"O-of cour – AAAAHH!" Haqua threw her hands up. "WHY AM I ANSWERING?"

In a small voice, Kanon said, "Our matron said you were cute without your glasses."

"So did that answer your original question, Keima?" Tsukiyo sighed.

"Well…" I groaned exasperatedly. "At least it…_somewhat_…explained the ridiculous predicament. And it's definitely something I can use to my advantage, since Sonia was unwilling to help…"

"You have a plan, then?"

"Don't I always?" I coughed and began explaining. "Now, as I said before, the people with the best chances of 'knowing' are the top people in power. However, those same people often use that to their advantage, and even when they don't, it's not unreasonable to for them to not go out of the way to help someone. Therefore, Docrow Skull was well within her rights to negotiate her service.

"Not that I'm willing to take up negotiations, of course, especially not with her conditions. That was just bad luck. Thus, we'll need a different source of information to locate and utilize whatever we may need to get home quicker. Ideally, we need a young and idealistic demon, one who must have good connections and is good enough to obtain some form of respect or position. An information broker, so to speak, though hopefully new to the army and unsure of regulations."

"That sounds like a really strict criteria," Haqua noted.

"Does that even matter?" I responded with a deadpan. "No matter what, we can definitely find someone. That's the whole point of heroines in gal –"

And suddenly, I saw _her_. My eyes widened. A script immediately formed.

"Quick!"

"Er, what –" was all that the three girls managed to get out as, with lightning-quick movements, I yanked open the zipper of a nearby tent, evicted its clearly startled occupant and tossed her aside, and then stuffed my companions unceremoniously inside the room, prompting several different cries from them.

Hurrying along the gaps between the ochre tents was a lone, bespectacled demon, a stack of important-looking papers cradled in her arms and two gold stars proudly pinned on her cloak. She was obviously clumsy – she had almost tripped twice in the six seconds so far that she had been in my sight. A perfect target for my plan, I must admit.

I smoothed my clothes out and hid. This was a scene I was very familiar with in games. What with the unfortunate entry of demons into my life, it was also an event that I was all too practiced in.

Waiting until the right moment, I suddenly rushed out from behind the tents, colliding into the demon who was running for the command centre.

"Eeek!"

Papers went flying everywhere, and with a calculated move so did our glasses. Both of us had fallen down, which was followed immediately by twin cries of apologies (mine being scripted, obviously). I frantically searched for our glasses while blabbering (again, from a script), "I-I'm really sorry about that, ma'am! It's so disgraceful for the honourable I to be distracted…"

The demon must be really close-sighted, since it appeared she couldn't even see the ground without putting her nose right up to it. "Glasses, glasses…" she muttered.

Now, for the first move… "Say, these documents…what are they for?"

I've said this many times before, but a shared secret binds a group of people together (quickly, I scanned the sheet, which was written in a clearly non-Earthlike language but were certainly not a recipe for her grandmother's roasted turkey). When this connection is made, and my reliability on keeping secrets is established, it'd also be easier for me to turn into an outlet, something akin to a confessional found in churches, which would hopefully net me deeper secrets.

Well, that was only the first layer of my plan. Let's see you defeat _that_, Real!

The demon faltered. "That voice…wait, are you the human boy from earlier?"

And then she did something that completely flipped my world upside-down.

"OOOOOOHH! Y-you're – I really wanted to meet you! I, I'm, um, E – Ed – End – oh no, where's my name tag? Wait, where's my glasses?"

I gaped.

Both the enthusiasm and franticness from her voice were unsettlingly and terrifyingly familiar. With growing dread, I silently placed my glasses back on earlier than the script called for – and then gasped quietly as the demon pulled her hood off, revealing a childish face that, with the exceptions of brown hair and several heart-shaped tattoos – runes – on her right temple, clinched the likeness immediately.

Behind me, I heard a muffled gasp. "El –?"

That was as far as Haqua got before I reached back and yanked closed the zipper, accidentally-on-purpose smacking her nose. Hopefully that'd shut her for a while.

Speechlessly, I held up the demon's glasses, also earlier than the script meant to. Then I located and took something that wasn't a part of the script – a piece of leather on the ground that had a name inscribed on it. I took a glance at it, and also offered it to the demon.

"Ah! My glasses! Thank you so much!" Beaming, the girl put them on, dampening but not eliminating the similarity her face held to a girl that I knew all too well. She then took her name tag and read it. "I'm, um, Endelyon! I know my name's a mouthful – I forget it all the time – but I hope we can still get along! You're Keima Katsuragi, right?"

With a grim smile, I realized that if I wanted an impact, I needed it now, while she was still on the topic of my name. I was completely forced to abridge the script, terribly aware of the upcoming irony from my necessary line. "Some people call me that. But make no mistake – I am far superior to the ordinary human. I am the God of Conquest!"

Endelyon tiled her head, before smiling again. "Well, it's nice to meet you, Divine One!" she said brightly.

Exactly the way Elsie did.

* * *

On multiple levels, this was _not_ within my expectations.

I've heard of things like doppelgangers – and quite frankly, I considered them ridiculous. If it's Real, look close enough to someone's face and you can see all the disgusting parts – hair, oil, skin deformities – that distinguish every person from even their twins. On the other hand, even if a copy was impossible, the similarities between Endelyon and Elsie were not ignorable. There was no way they weren't related somehow – sisters, maybe, or perhaps Endelyon was Elsie's mother.

But what were the sheer _chances_ of meeting like _this_? At least six hundred demons were here – statistically my encounter rate had been less than 0.2% on meeting this demon _now_, and that number was lowered even further when one considered that this couldn't be the entirety of New Hell's army.

What kind of game was Real trying to pull? If I wasn't careful, I might end up affecting Elsie's life – and if that happened, whether it be positive or negative, it was an instant Game Over for me. The implications of changing the future so directly were too disastrous to even think about.

This was completely unexpected, but this was also something I had to take in stride. No margin of error must survive.

On with the script.

"I truly must apologize for colliding with you! Really, that was uncharacteristically clumsy of me. How can I ever recompense?"

"Um, Divine One, what does 'recompense' mean?"

I decided to do away with the grandeur vocabulary. "Ah! I know! Name one wish, any wish, and I shall grant it for you!"

"A-any wish?" Endelyon's eyes went wide, she clapped her hands over her mouth, and her cheeks got somewhat tinged. "That's – that's too sudden! You can't j-just ask a girl to – so many other people want – well, so do I, b-but – d-do you really mean it?"

This girl played abashed like Elsie invited to a date with fire vehicles, I noted. "Well of co –"

Without actually waiting for me to respond, she blurted out, "Then, then please…can I – can I have…"

I could almost hear the sound of everyone in the camp listening in. That would actually be all according to the plan, not that it made it any tolerable.

"Can I…have…a-a-an autograph?"

Quite brazenly, I reached forward, grabbing both of Endelyon's arms, and swept her to her feet, completely bringing out her blush. "What? My lady, you're being far too humble! I am a God, no requests are above me! You can even wish to be my heroine, should you choose to do so!"

Behind me, there were three simultaneous choking sounds.

An instant later several pairs of hands suddenly grabbed me and jerked me backwards, making me roll over several times as I flew into the tent. I heard someone zipping up the entrance again, and then there were two faces glaring murderously at me.

"_Explain_," Tsukiyo hissed, her venom no less than Vulcan's had been.

"What the hell _was_ that?" Haqua furiously demanded.

"Um, Keima, what are you doing?" Kanon timidly asked.

"Isn't it obvious by now? I'm initiating a conquest!"

Monotonously: "You have ten seconds before I take up Mari's offer to castrate you."

Which I took to mean Haqua still had no idea what I'm trying to do. "I said it, didn't I? That's the whole point of heroines in galges! Whenever a new story starts, there always _must_ be an informed character so that the protagonist, that is to say _I_, will understand the basic mechanics of our environment. How else is the story going to proceed? That's why Endelyon must be paramount! We need her as the heroine to help us navigate this world, and I'd appreciate it if you don't interrupt!"

Haqua gripped her scythe tighter than strictly necessary. "You based this assumption, that this demon will be helpful…on the mechanics of a _game_?"

"Of course not!" I barked, and Haqua blinked. "Did you even notice what she was wearing, Haqua?"

"A cloak?"

"But what was pinned right _here_?" I pointed to a spot just over my heart. When no one answered, I told them. "Two gold stars! And what was it that Docrow yelled as we entered that tent?"

Kanon gasped. "'This is a highly confidential area,'" she recited, with a look of growing realization on her face. "'Two stars or above, get that in your freaking head, and get them out.' Of course!"

"Two stars…" Haqua stammered. "So, you mean, you targeted this demon because –"

"Because she was a member of Docrow's command centre. With a very good chance of being well-connected and holding a good rank. Two of my criteria for our ideal contact have likely been fulfilled."

Haqua looked stunned. Tsukiyo did not, and she continued angrily, "But did you have to offer her a chance to be your – your –" She took a deep breath, and hissed out, "_Heroine_? Isn't there another way of doing this? It's already bad enough that your modus operandi will forever persist on every future girl affected by loose souls!"

"There may be other ways," I admitted, "but unfortunately none is more practical than this one. For one, I've recently had an excess of experience with conquering real girls."

"That's all the more reason not to add to the list!"

"For another, we recently had an event that made other methods harder and this one easier." I pointedly stared at Haqua. "What with a close-up of Sonia's act apparently making every demon aroused –" Everyone shuddered. "Bad word choice, I apologize. Nevertheless, it's much easier to go with the flow of affection than to navigate around it. This way, I can become far closer to Endelyon, and, I imagine more importantly to you three, I simultaneously reject the other 599 demons that may be after me as well."

Suddenly a random demon – the one I vaguely remembered throwing out of this tent – poked her head in. "Er – can I come back in –"

"Begone Extra, your presence is redundant," I said without turning to look. A moment later she withdrew, and I complained to a disconcerted Tsukiyo, "Can you believe that minor character? Charging in so bluntly? If only the author of Real wasn't mediocre, our plot would be far more compact and we would never have to deal with such insignificancies!"

Wisely, Tsukiyo did not question my mindset. She did, however, disagree. "Or perhaps this, er, author, could've used better main characters."

I considered this for a fraction of a second. "No, I'm pretty sure it's just the plot."

Tsukiyo embraced Luna tighter and sat down, rubbing her head.

"Elsie."

I looked at Haqua, who had said that name calmly. Briefly, I wondered if she had not heard Endelyon's name the first time. "Endelyon is not Elsie, Haqua, whatever she may be."

"I know. It's just that I wonder what relationship they _do_ have."

"Does it matter?"

"Of course it matters! You can't –"

"And don't you know Elsie's family anyways?"

Haqua grimaced. "Well, the turmoil after the war necessitated some…personnel, I suppose. But no, neither Elsie nor I knew our own parents well, let alone each other's. We were dorm students practically from the moment we were born, as were most students. More importantly – you can't make Elsie's mom fall in love with you if it affects Elsie's birth. I'm not going to go into the squicky details, but succubi offspring in Human society do not get there by storks."

I raised an eyebrow.

"Okay, yeah. Considering you, that was a stupid point. But the worst case that could still happen is that Endelyon truly is Elsie's mother, and you distract her to the point she never meets Elsie's father."

Internally, I frowned. Father… Well, that was a can to be opened at another time, if at all. "I will be the final judge on whether Endelyon is worth it or not. I only targeted her for her possible connections, anyways, so it's not entirely necessary to conquer her, only flatter."

"But that's the other problem, Keima. If she _is_ Elsie's kin, how much of their genes are similar? At, um…" Haqua grimaced. "At her intelligence, how helpful could she possibly be?"

"Elsie did have you," I pointed out, and Haqua blushed. "But you're right. Elsie's rather dim, and Endelyon may not be as smart as the next demon. I've no idea what kind of friends Endelyon will come with, or whether we can rely on them."

"So how do you know whether you should target her, or if you should try a different demon?"

I closed my eyes and considered for a moment. "A litmus test."

"What?"

"I'll explain later, but consider your concern addressed and leave it to me." I looked around. "Now, I assume there are no other objections?"

Haqua almost said something else, but hesitated. Tsukiyo just stared coldly.

Kanon spoke. "Are…Are you sure about this, Keima? About making Endelyon fall in love with you?"

I started getting exasperated. "We've already covered this ground several times. Yes, I'm sure. At the very least, it'll significantly reduce the number of people after me, and at best, we will have the power to return home in our hands! What more do you want?"

The idol didn't reach for me – probably afraid of getting subjected to another "Eep!" worthy prod – but she did take a deep breath. "I know…that I'm being a little selfish, pushing you like this. But…if you really have to continue this path…I want you to promise me something. No matter how much you play your love games, no matter how many dominos you prop up to fall for you, promise me that you won't ever stop paying attention to the first one –" she looked at Tsukiyo briefly – "er, first set you loved. Please."

I was startled; this wasn't like Kanon. But on second thought, this was exactly like her. Being the one most afraid of losing attention, coupled with the determination I gave her, of course she'd be the most likely one to speak out about this. As well, she was probably one of the few conquered girls to be considerate of others, which explained her amendment.

Still, this made for an odd combination. "Kanon…why…?"

This, she answered without hesitation. "Because I love you. And because I will not lose my place."

I winced. "No, I meant, you're implicitly telling me to aim for a harem ending."

I had to hand it to her, the vivid red on her face was almost worthy of being reproduced on a PFP screen. Almost.

The mood lightened, and approval in sight, I admitted, "Well, I do feel I still owe you girls some redress…the conquest will still have to be my priority, but I suppose making you that promise is the least I can do."

Kanon smiled brilliantly. "Thank you!"

Tsukiyo added, "You'd better not forget."

Haqua laughed. "I feel better already."

I gave the unconquered girl an odd look. "What are you talking about?"

She blushed, and said nothing.

* * *

_**Ramble: As it turned out, Mercury's canon personality is a mix of this fic's Sonia and Mercury…and what with Haqua never seeing Apollo wake up (referring to chapter 1)…yeah, this fic was gonna be AU anyways, but it would've been nice to still **_**have**_** the ability to fit somewhere in the canon timeline, ya know?**_

_**I now have a preliminary cover art while I wait for my farourite Deviant to get back her tablet. I also have a Japanese title now; **_**Kami no Chishi na Jyakuten **_**(lit. God's Fatal Weakness, even more literally God's Death-delivering Weak Point).**_

_**Did I push Kanon's poetics a little?**_

_**And as always, thanks for my reviewers: satuross, Random reviewer, Rizzo-P, J.V. Hart, and Guest.**_


	6. Oathgiver

_**A/N Even more exposition and probable canon-crushing galore. You've been warned.**_

_**Another warning: lack of practice writing much fluff. Especially not via interaction. I'm afraid that showed a bit more than I'm happy with.**_

******Disclaimer: The World God Only Knows is owned by Tamiki Wakaki. I own absolutely nothing in relation to this work, except for the plot of this particular story.**

* * *

This was one of _those_ events. It's not every day that Real pulls a stunt to the extent of making me meet with a near-identical form of and a person who could be related to my faux sister _in the past_, and to do so would have even larger implications than getting invited to an Underworld revolution. The latter, per se, wouldn't necessarily screw up the future specifically to _me_, while the former had such a high percentage I didn't want to think about it.

So naturally, my best bet was to nail shut the coffin on screwing up. A lot harder job than I thought, probably, but at this stage I didn't have too much of a choice, having inadvertently contacted Endelyon first.

The plan was simple. I was going to ask Endelyon to talk with us, and introduce ourselves. Then I was to subject the "litmus test", so-called because that was how I would ultimately decide if she was suited for our information-gathering attempt. If she passed, that's when I would start building a relationship with her. If she didn't, Haqua, being the one to bring up the idea, was to engage in conversation while Kanon, Tsukiyo and I left and tried to spot another potential candidate.

Everyone agreed – Haqua somewhat unhappily – and I gave a piece of advice. "Try not to act too close to me. If or when it turns into a conquest, it's imperative that I am looked at in a favourable light by any means necessary. However, don't try to act too hard, or you'll appear unnatural." With that done, I unzipped the tent. "Miss Endelyon? I apologize for the slight delay. I would like to invite you –"

Then the smell hit me.

"I'm back!" the culprit announced, waltzing into the tent quite suddenly and with an apron over her cloak, which made me question whether they really paid attention to human culture at all. In her hands was the most lethal weapon of demonkind to date, one that, in terms of sheer destructive power, was alike nuclear bombs in the same manner that said bombs were alike static shock.

Food.

Oh _jeez_, the smell!

Tsukiyo immediately recoiled. "What _is_ that?"

"This? It's my tastiest flying eel recipe! Its appeal lies in the zombie fluid that I marinated for a few decades with, made all the more tasty when I skinned it and let it seep inside! Then I just fried it until it was just rare enough to keep it juicy, and spiced it with everdead herbs. For a side dish, there's plenty of fried wolfbat wings dipped in the leftover juice! Since it's finally done setting, I just had to bring it over to celebrate my new friendship!"

"Celebrate – with food that I'd rather feed pigs –"

I clamped a hand over Tsukiyo's mouth and blurted out, "It's lovely!" Except it still looked alive, and unteething the eel apparently wasn't part of her recipe. Privately, I had to wonder if Endelyon's definition of having us for dinner meant literally that.

"Wow!" Haqua exclaimed, a rare expression of respect on her face. "This is really skillfully made! I've a friend who's a first-rate chef, and even she's nowhere near your level."

Endelyon beamed. "Thank you! I've been a chef for a few centuries before I was promoted to Brigadiette. I don't have so much time anymore, but I still haunt the kitchens when I can!"

"It doesn't look very appetizing…" Kanon muttered quietly, luckily soft enough for Endelyon not to hear. But then surprisingly, she admitted, "It does smell really nice though."

Tsukiyo tore my hand off of her mouth. "Does its smell even matter when it looks like – like _that_?"

Now I was thoroughly confused. To me, what was apparently fried bat smelled more of fried bat dung.

But they Endelyon cut me out of my musings with a terrifying proposal: "O Divine One, would you like to try some first?"

I gulped.

"They're lovely, aren't they?" Tsukiyo darkly repeated.

Well, I couldn't talk back now. I dug myself into this. So I mumbled a generic thanks and compliments, both of which I not at all meant, and then reached for the crispy wings that _looked_ like they'd be okay, until one claw twitched and jabbed its nails deeply into my hand.

That's when I resolved to never ever take up Docrow's offer of a housekeeping job. She was right; some delicacies just don't _die_ nicely!

* * *

**Chapter 5 –**

_Oathgiver_

* * *

I survived that first serving. My stomach, most likely, will not. Even now, it was churning as if Mount Fuji was about to explode inside it. Sooner or later, I was going to pay for my miscalculation.

Haqua and Endelyon discussed the finer points of the demons' cuisine while enjoying – _enjoying_ – the food; I smell cheat codes, darn it! Kanon munched on a far limper bat wing and admitted they weren't bad, and even Tsukiyo managed to sample a bit of those deadfern herbs. Everyone still looked fine and healthy, apparently having no nauseous side-effects.

Trying not to let the pain show on my face, I smiled stiffly at Endelyon. "Oh, please excuse me! I failed to notice I haven't introduced everyone yet. Endelyon, my companions are Tsukiyo, Kanon, and Haqua." The tone that I was using was meant to make me seem respectable; I decided that I cannot operate if demons had feelings of superiority to humans, and my elevated position was supposed to combat that. This was before I met and learned about Endelyon, of course, but as I started it, I had to be consistent.

"Pleased to meet you!" the older demon chirped, setting down her plate. Everyone else mumbled back greetings. "I'm Endeon – I mean, Edenly – recently-promoted Brigadiette of New Hell Society. If there's anything us you want to know, just ask!"

This would have been the perfect time for my first question, but Kanon interrupted me, asking curiously, "What's your full name?"

I had to restrain myself from facepalming. No, NO, Kanon! We do _not_ need to know her last name! Relationship to Elsie, if it even exists, _does not matter_! In fact, it might even turn things into a worse situation – if Endelyon learned that she was Elsie Senior, her attitude might change into one that mothers us instead of being equals! That gets us even _further_ away from a capture, and consequently away from getting information!

For a suddenly tense moment, silence pressured us. Then Endelyon's shoulders shook.

A moment later I realized she was _crying_.

"I know, I know it's a terrible name!" the demon overdramatically sobbed. "It's so long and it's so inconvenient! For six hundred years, I had to struggle to remember my own name, Elnyon – Eyledon! Why did my parents curse me with this? Why couldn't they just pick a common name?" She sniffed. "Oh…but I can't say that… They tried so hard to think up of what to call me…I shouldn't be so rude…"

Tactfully, Tsukiyo amended for Kanon. "That's not what she meant at all. It's a very pretty name, really. Very sophisticated, quite unique."

"R-really?" Suddenly Endelyon was all smiles, like a child offered candy. "Well…ehehe…it does have a nice ring to it…"

Unfortunately, Haqua spoke next. "Why? Was there a problem with your name? Did people make fun of it?"

The demon stared at Haqua, until her eyes became puppy-like, then started misting, then thick globs of tears started pooling, and – well, Haqua sensibly leaned back a little.

"Uuuun…my friends, they're so mean…they always called me Eddy or Lyon. But those are boy's names! Why can't they just call me the name I was given? Edylon! I mean, _Enlyon!_"

"S-sorry?" Haqua said, gingerly lifting her raiment away from the exaggerated waterfall Endelyon was creating.

"It's quite all right, Endelyon," I said earnestly, catching her flailing hands. "You don't have to be concerned about dolts who are too lazy to say more than two syllables." I felt several glares aimed at my back, but I ignored them. "I knew from the start that your name was unique. Not just unique, it's beautiful! Please, honour me by staying in my presence and allowing me to call you by your true name."

I was laying it on thick, but like I had told Haqua, Endelyon wasn't exactly as smart as the next demon, so it was safer to overshoot than undershoot. This assumption was rewarded a moment later when she giggled, blushing a little. "Aww, that's…that's so _sweet_ of you, Divine One! I don't know what to say!" She fidgeted a little. "Well…okay…if it's you, I won't mind. Call me whatever you like. But please, no male names!"

"As you wish! Nothing would make me happier! In that case, I shall call you…" I searched my mind, and surprisingly easily finding the perfect nickname, I completed, "Ellie!"

Haqua's head jerked up.

As for myself, I became stunned for a fraction of an instant. What an oversight. That was what Ayumi and Chihiro called Elsie. And to think I forgot for a seconds…for someone who may as well be Elsie's mother…

Was this bad?

And then I was promptly crushed into a hug by Endelyon. She was squealing happily. "I love it! I love it! That's…" She pulled away, and dreamily beamed. "That's so…smart! That perfect phrase…right between 'End' and 'on'…I can't believe no one saw it before! Thank you, God, thank you!"

Well…no harm done. My mistake was covered, and she was in a good mood that's not going down anytime soon. Just to make sure, I shot a look at both Tsukiyo and Kanon – the latter grimaced and retreated, while the former turned her attention to Luna, indicating they'll refrain from interfering. Haqua was munching on one of the bat wings, which was dying a very animated death. Satisfied, I turned back to Endelyon, finally ready for my question.

"Pardon me, my lady, but if I may borrow your knowledge…?"

"Hm? Oh! Of course!"

Pointing to my neck, I asked, "This collar. I don't suppose you recognize it? More importantly, do you know how to disarm it?"

* * *

"_Now wait just a minute!_"

I gave an annoyed stare at Haqua, with a face that hopefully conveyed _Have I not requested you leave this in my care?_ and not something like S_top pressing the START button during a cutscene!_ Actually, on second thought, I did want to say the latter.

"You can't – you can't use the time now to wriggle out of the contract! You have a damn job to do!"

In a low voice, I retorted, "That's assuming an answer exists at all. This is a _hypothetical_ question, Haqua. Though I do believe that a job of this magnitude is worth all the bonuses I can net."

"Y-you –" Haqua looked mad to the point of being unable to speak.

Tsukiyo was no such thing. "Excellent idea. I approve, Keima." When Haqua glared at her, she added, "Oh come on, demon. You can't keep him on a leash forever."

Kanon ventured, "Well, it _was_ unfair to trick someone into wearing them…"

I hid a smirk as Haqua reluctantly settled down, looking angry at the peer pressure. Of course they'd say that. They never were happy with the contract that bound me to demons. It probably helped that her manuals could not possibly have protocol for stopping attempted collar removal; such were supposed to be suicidal, after all. It went exactly as expected.

Satisfied, I turned back to Endelyon. "My lady?"

She had been staring at the collar for some time, but she sat back down looking disappointed. "Mmmmmh. I'm not sure," she admitted. "I think I saw something like this before – explosive gel, I think – but I don't know if they're the same."

Unexpected. I thought she would give me a reference, not direct information. "Explosive gel sounds right. Where did you encounter them?"

"Back when I was still a trainee, when Lucky used them for pranks."

My eyes widened. Lucky? As in the third Overlady? Have I made an incredible catch without even realizing it?

"Of course, they were perfectly safe because no matter how much you used, they were harmless to demons. So Lucky always had them in lots of supply, and got away with it!"

…Harmless to –?

I glared at Haqua, who stubbornly ignored me. Judging by her startled face, however, she hadn't known either.

Fortunately keeping with my advice earlier, Tsukiyo said, "Lucky? I think I heard that name before, but I can't seem to quite place it…"

"I believe Lucky is one of the Overladies of New Hell Society," I said, giving Tsukiyo a grateful nod.

Endelyon beamed with pride. "That's because she so, well, _good_, you know? I flunked grade after grade, but she kept getting almost all the awards for every year she was in the Academy! So it's no wonder she made it to the top." Here she sniffed, her piece of the eel attempting to use the distraction to crawl out of her plate. Without looking, she brought out a cooking knife from nowhere and chopped it in half. I gulped; maybe she wasn't as harmless as I first thought… "No one believes me anymore when I say I know her…I keep inviting people to eat with us, but they just laugh me off…I'm a little sad, actually."

"Don't be, Ellie!" Kanon suddenly said. "You've got us now, right? Maybe, next time, we can eat dinner together!"

This was a surprising – and somewhat forceful – interruption, but I had been about to attempt something similar, and was glad for the endeavor.

Endelyon looked up in surprise, then wonder, and finally joy. "I would really like that!" she enthused. "Thank you so much!"

Kanon caught my eye for a moment, obviously wanting my input.

It was perfect. An agreement like this made sure we would meet again in the future, thus bolstering her love points in succession. The commitment itself held a significant appeal, bringing us to a far more intimate level. I smiled in approval, and mouthed the now redundant _She passes_ to the three girls, before turning back to Endelyon. "Yes. It's a promise."

"Yup! But you should probably tell me what you want to eat. Some of the food I make needs _weeks_ in human time to prepare, like the thawing the shardflowers or steaming the cabbage porks or –"

"Before that, my lady, do you know anything about actually disarming the explosive gel?" Haqua glowered at me, but I ignored her again. I wasn't letting this premature unlockable slip away!

She started. "Oh! Oh, sorry, I forgot about that! Um…" Her expression was restless for a moment, and then she said, "No, I'm sorry. I don't know how to do that. I know Lucky has a way, though; I saw her pour something like Styx water on it and it disintegrated, but when I tried it the Styx water just burned around it and straight into the floor. I'll have to ask her about that. Please, can you wait for a little while? I should be able to tell you sometime later."

She could've just as easily got me in contact with Lucky, I thought, but I knew not to downplay her. Besides, two promises were even better than one. "Of course!" I said, and honeying it even more, lowered my head in a bow. "Thank you very much!"

"Oh – well – it's –" Endelyon blushed. "No, please, raise your head! I'm just a young demon, I'm sure you could do more than me! I'm really happy, I'm just a little demon…"

"I beg to differ! I look, and all I see is greatness. Your runes tell me you are a fearsome demon. Your stars earn you a place as a respected officer. Your hospitality complements the skills of an excellent cook! These are all accomplishment to be carried with pride! You're better than most humans I know!"

Kanon and Tsukiyo seemed displeased. Belatedly, I remembered that "most humans I know" basically amounted to the conquered girls. Still, the marginal benefit was greater than the marginal cost.

Endelyon rubbed her temple self-consciously. "Aww, these spells really aren't too great." She pulled up her sleeves, showing that there were circle patterns scattered all the way to her elbows. Her right hand had the design of a small puppy, or something equivalent, at the back. "I can't afford full-body inscriptions like most of the officers, and most of this is from my last job." She pointed to a particularly large bubble by her wrist. "This one's my favourite. It's a netherspace pocket that I can use to store my best ingredients! Some of them's already been in there for almost half a millennia!"

I blinked, momentarily stunned. "Uh…wouldn't they rot?"

Endelyon smiled innocently. "That's the point, silly! It brings the flavour out!"

Haqua, by this point, was done with her sulking and had glanced over. Her voice sounded alarmed as she blurted out, "Hey! Isn't that a suicide spell?"

"Suicide spell?" Kanon repeated, her voice a little higher-pitched. I had to agree; that sounded very unlike Endelyon.

The senior demon looked confused. "Which one?"

"The one on your index!" The black spot on her right index finger appeared to be modeled after a goldfish, complete with runes forming the scales. "Isn't that supposed to explode at varying radii depending on how much energy you have left to feed it?"

The other demon blinked. "Actually, that's what I used to sauté dishes back when I was a full-time cook."

"_What_?" Haqua yelped. "Those inscriptions are totally off! That thing doesn't focus the energy output _at all_!"

"Oooh. That explains why my hand ended up as bones every time I cooked."

Haqua actually winced. "When you get some Ink, you need to rewrite this. Rest your arm on a desk or something to stabilize it! I can barely read your words. Ask someone else to write for you. And next time don't use those cheap harpy quills, they get blotted too easily."

"Didn't you say demons weren't supposed to have tattoos anymore?" I asked.

The younger demon snorted. "Do we look stupid?"

I tried very hard not to think of Elsie.

Perhaps sensing this, Haqua embarrassedly hurried on. "Look, magic is the base power of Hell! Electric machines are still a relatively new concept, one still being optimized. Far more reliable would be the script we can just say or write to effect. We don't print on bodies anymore because we can write on this."

With a flourish, Haqua produced several pieces of what first seemed to be cardboard. All of them had pictograms on them, almost making me think they were cut out of a Grade 2 polygons handout. "Endelyon's runes seems far more picturesque. These are mere shapes."

"Images help channel the energy needed for spells," Haqua explained, showing me one example that was formed from a triangle, another made from an outline of a heptagon, and another that was a square enclosed in an outline of a circle, "but over time we discovered that the simpler forms better help to create the exact event one wants. If you remember Overlady Sonia's facial runes, several different spells were collected in the same shape. That's probably the reason her sleep spell has a range limit to begin with, seeing as ordinarily an Overlady should have enough power to hop across half the world."

"But the base of it is always the language," Endelyon said sagely, finishing the last of her dish and looking proud that she was even able to impart something as she spoke.

Suddenly, one of the herbs stuck on her fork burst into flames. I started, but Endelyon still popped it into her mouth without a second thought.

Looking at Haqua netted me an explanation: "They always do that when it's too cold for too long."

Tsukiyo went several shades paler. Kanon leaned in and quickly whispered something to her that I didn't catch, but Tsukiyo's response was louder, probably from her panic. "I _refuse_! That's unsightly!" When Kanon flushed and tried to whisper again, Tsukiyo's response was still hysterical. "I am _not_ a bulimic!"

I immediately got the feeling this topic would not end pretty.

I backtracked quickly. "But how are the runes actually made? With what material are they drawn?"

Endelyon shrugged and looked to Haqua.

"In the future, mandrake blood," Haqua said, again showing me her slips of cardboard, ignoring Tsukiyo's embarrassed "There _isn't_ any problem!" "Back then – um, now, I guess – the best we had was finely ground mandrake powder."

"Mandrakes?" I asked, pretending not to hear Tsukiyo's higher-pitched exclamation of "Privacy? _What_ privacy issues?"

"They're pretty special," Haqua said, speaking over Tsukiyo's animated "I don't care about demon _toilets_!" "Their cells are supposed to be equivalent of the human Be6Pb6Uut6."

Now, I wasn't a specialized chemist or anything, but wasn't Ununtritium supposed to be radioactive? "That sounds very volatile."

"_You don't say_?" Tsukiyo snarled, then she must've realized Kanon didn't say that, as she blushed.

Haqua just shrugged her shoulders as if to say, _Magic. What can you do?_

Awfully convenient excuse.

"They also have tendency to solidify whenever mixed with any body fluid, which made them perfect to paint on demon bodies. No other material even comes close to its utility or its ability to channel energy for magic, so mandrakes are _the_ ingredient for spells."

"You mean mana."

"Excuse me?"

Even Endelyon was forgotten, in light of this grave error. "The ability to channel _mana_ for magic, is what you meant to say, no?"

The younger demon looked confused. "No. Energy. Mandrakes channel biological energy, stamina, adenosine triphosphate, whatever term you want to use. But what the heck is mana?"

I slammed a fist down. "That can't be right! It _must_ be called mana! Combat systems cannot possibly have a single bar for both HP and MP!"

Haqua was lost, I could tell that much. Kanon picked up the verbal slack: "Keima, this isn't a video game!"

"That does _not_ excuse the poor design on Real's part! I mean, magic is practically useless if it cannot be spammed with abandon! Besides, with a terrible wording like that, people could get the wrong impression of humans being able to use magic!"

There was a moment of silence. Then, Endelyon's honestly curious voice: "Can't they?"

* * *

I stared as Endelyon wiped her mouth off on the apron. However, it occurred to me that the apron wasn't actually getting stains. Self-cleaning enchantment? Now that must be useful.

"Practically speaking," Haqua rambled, "humans have no access to mandrakes and their lives are too short to fully memorize the demonic language, not to mention the fact that, well, if a human powers a spell she kinda _dies_. Energy exhaustion. It's ridiculous, thinking about the insignificant life force you humans have in comparison to demons. I calculated it once. Teleport a rock two feet, you die. Conjure a match-sized fire, you die. Send a telepathic SOS, you die."

"Haqua," I said as calmly as possible.

"Getting disturbed already? You should be. This is serious business, Keima. Got a problem with it?"

I took a shaky breath. "Yes, I have a problem with it. This is not suitable foreshadowing material!"

Haqua had opened her mouth, but whatever remark she was to use came up as an inglorious cough. "W-_what_?"

"This kind of information is irrelevant to the story we're supposed to get!" I raged. "What part of this _human uses magic_ plot device is supposed to be crucial at a future date? And don't even get me started on its potential _fatality_! No, no, no! Everyone forget what just happened, this Chekhov's Gun never existed!"

"What gun?" Endelyon asked, tilting her head.

I beamed. "Precisely my point! Now, back to you, Ellie!"

"Eh?"

"Likes, dislikes, current worries! Anything is fine, so long as it changes topic from what we never talked about!"

Endelyon looked confused. Kanon looked confused. Haqua looked confused and somewhat annoyed, as if I've pulled one over her. Tsukiyo sat in the corner, quivering and muttering incoherently, Luna uncharacteristically not wrapped by her arms and instead plopped on top of her head.

Seeing this, Haqua snickered. "Deadferns dissolve quickly, Tsukiyo! Your stomach isn't going to burst into flames!"

Kanon had to restrain Tsukiyo after that.

Endelyon appeared to be pondering. "Well…I guess my worry is…are my recipes getting old? I might have to come up with a new dish, or new ingredients…sea dragons and spirit wolves might not cut it anymore…"

I remembered one creature that should definitely exist, Haqua having mentioned it before. "How about gremlins, Ellie?"

Endelyon shuddered. "Ew, no! Gremlins aren't creatures to use for food. The ethical committee would take away your pots and pans for years!"

"Why? Are they sentient?"

"Not quite," Haqua responded, her face slightly disgusted. "It's just that, gremlins are one of the few Underworld animals to actively crave demon flesh. So eating them's like…"

I grimaced. Oops.

"We avoid them, if we can," Endelyon said, offering me a container holding what appeared to be toothpicks. I accepted one, but then looked at it – and found that it had something like beady eyes by the pointy end. I decided to discreetly dispose of it. "They're easy to spot from height, because they generally live in caves built straight from the ground. That's how other animals fall prey, if they're not paying attention and run straight over the edge."

"Surely they're not that incapable…?" I asked.

"You'd be surprised," Haqua retorted dryly. "As a whole, wildlife down here is stupider than on Earth's surface."

Endelyon nodded sagely. "Yes! Divine One, next time, let me show you around the Pyramid's zoo!"

And there I have it, another promise! I was about to ask about the Pyramid – but then paused.

We had gone over items that were far from my initial script, but they had all been interesting to varying levels. Endelyon wasn't as unknowledgeable as I would have guessed. So far, what I had learned, Haqua also knew about partially – perhaps I should venture into subjects Haqua could not possibly know? There was no harm in doing so sooner rather than later, after all, if my love points were already surprisingly high.

"Ellie…" I slowly said. "I learned that Overlady Dark had been doing research on goddesses, as was Overlady Sonic. Can you tell me more?"

Even the airy Endelyon hesitated, her face suddenly uncomfortable and her little container of pseudo-toothpicks falling from her hands. I instantly regretted my hasty words. Of course, I had calculated that there would be no negative effects on her perception of me – I was still the curious deity, not an overly nosy juvenile. Still, not getting the answers disappointed me.

"Nevermind," I immediately followed, smiling apologetically before Endelyon had a chance to respond. "I admit I've crossed a line."

"No, no, it's not your fault, Divine One! It's just, well, this can get me into so much trouble with the Overladies…but I promise! I'll try to tell you everything I can! Someday…"

"I apologize, please worry not. I'm far more interested in…" I searched for a change of subject. "…In this war in general, actually. May we converse on that, instead?"

Endelyon eagerly perked up. "Sure! To start off, there's two general kinds of soldiers you'll see – mages and breakers!"

"Berserkers," Haqua corrected.

"Oh – right! Mages and berserkers. But anyways, while New Hell Society likes flexible fighters, the Nox's army likes to specialize with lots and lots of focus on power! That's why you have the breakers – um, berserkers – who's the front-line fighters with lots of physical strength, and the mages at the back that has better magic firepower."

"The core ideal of Old Hell demons is absolute power," Haqua murmured, "in one form or another, though rarely both. They also degrade any so-called artificial attempts to bolster power, like the pilfered human weapons New Hell uses. If you want to get higher in Old Hell's hierarchy, it has to be through your own hands."

"But can we use that knowledge?" Endelyon asked, apparently forgetting she was the one explaining.

"Not completely. Demon skin for the stronger demons is usually tough against regular blades and resists against weaker magic, though it's certainly better than trying to wrestle them to submission. The real problem is the mages, because they have defensive runes to circumvent everything. For the first minute that an average Old Hell mage goes all-out, she's essentially invincible to anyone without power levels of a dragon. That's why New Hell prefers a battle of attrition, after the mages depletes most of their energy, and then they can get to the berserkers after that, if they're not already neutralized."

"And because of that, New Hell Society's army is focused on being flexible and surviving, right?"

"Exactly! That's the reason New Hell had better hybrid fighters to begin with, on top of using human weapons to keep themselves in less danger." Haqua gloomily added, "Of course, that's also the reason why weapons were breaking and demons were dying at a disturbing pace. New Hell did – er, does – a good job, but endurance runs while having less of a population wasn't exactly a good idea. Of course, those magical weapons you got from the goddess should help, right?"

Endelyon grinned and, with a sudden flashing of lines along her cloak, materialized a daisy-coloured cooking pan.

I raised an eyebrow. "That was from Mars?" It was true I remembered seeing those same lines and the weapons before, right after Mars rained down her scarf, but I hadn't made the connection until now.

"Yes! It's pretty cool, having a magical item for me only!" Endelyon clapped her hand and the flat of the pan together excitedly. "You should get one, too, Divine One! I can talk to Mars about it, maybe, and it's going to be really useful!"

"Er…" "Useful" implied I would participate in actual, _physical_ combat, which had no chance in hell of happen – well, there goes that expression. Despite this, I decided to humour her. "I much appreciate the gesture. It'll surely be easier to survive with a weapon."

Endelyon beamed. "Yes, let's! Ehehe, this'll make me your commanding officer, right, Divine One?"

And that comment made me do a complete mental one-eighty, resting at "alarmed". "Now, hold on –"

"So now I have to teach you everything about New Hell doctines!" she proudly exclaimed, apparently no longer listening. "Pay attention, young Private Divine One!"

If this had been Elsie conversing, now would've been the time for me to confiscate her broom and sweep her and her buggy talk under the rag, where she belonged. Unfortunately, I was instead speaking with an important target, whose would probably take several weeks of work to regain any self-confidence from the weakest of verbal blows. I reluctantly listened on, hoping that she'll say _something_ vaguely of importance to make up for the following brain drain.

"First! Always remain in formation! Nothing matters more than preserving our own numbers, so stepping out of place can get you one of the biggest punishments we have in the books!"

I felt inclined to point out there was likely no place for a boy in a female army, and just barely refrained from saying so. It was, however, consistent in the claim that New Hell's membership was lower than the Nox dictatorship's.

It also suddenly made me wonder who came up with the term, "Nox dictatorship". For some reason it sounded a tad…cheesy?

"Second! Better to kill rather than capture opposing soldiers! No food for the enemy!"

Before I could comment on the suddenly dark doctrine, Haqua cut in. "Old Hell demons are going to end up worse than dead, anyways," she said with a smile and breaking about fifty rules concerned with interaction with the past, starting with "DON'T GIVE INFORMATION!" "Killing them is a mercy, considering the pitiful states they're reduced to after the goddesses are through with them."

She was a New Hell demon, so some bias against the Old Hell was to be expected. Still, her tone and the glint in her eyes suddenly had me wondering if three hundred years could package together immature and ruthless into one mind.

"Third, never remove your robes! Wear the symbols of rationality with pride!"

This, I had to interrupt. "Erm, Ellie, can you tell me why cloaks are supposed to be equivalent to rationality?"

Haqua was the one who answered. "Where Old Hell patronizes pride in power, New Hell takes glory in intellect. It doesn't take a newborn to point out that concealing one's runes before the opponent returns ten counterspells would be the obvious things to do, but it did take about five millennia to oppose the older demons arrogant in their standing and the younger demons assimilated into Hell's culture. It still didn't work out well, considering that that conflict led to this war anyways, but at the very least we're on the side that's not freezing to death."

Endelyon began clapping. "That's a smart summary, Haqua!"

"You're supposed to be saying all this!" Haqua responded, though her face had an almost content smirk.

I didn't like it. She was getting far closer to Endelyon than I was. "Moving on…?"

"Oh, right! Fourth, listen for the horns!"

That made less sense than the last one. "Horns?"

"Feeling lost, Keima?" Haqua's smirk turned more triumphant. "In demon lore, a horn always sounds before the black sky turns blue. So, quite _obviously_ –"

"The metaphor to heaven," I said, catching on quickly. "In other words, the goddesses. If New Hell really had been waiting for divine intervention, they would have to be careful not to miss the little warning they would get."

The younger demon's now turned annoyed. "Don't interrupt me!" she snapped, and then begrudgingly continued, "Yes, that should be right. It would be important not to confuse the horns with anything else, so that's probably also the reason New Hell army's signals mimics the sound of bells."

And just then, a deep ring echoed through the field. Another ring followed it, than a third one.

"Just like that?" I asked her.

"Er, yes…" she responded, though suddenly she was unsure. She turned to Endelyon. "Wasn't that –"

"The call for retreat!" Endelyon completed. "Probably because Queen Nox, or whoever's in charge of the main army right now, finally found our little camp and is making their way here!"

Four immediately shocked faces were followed by a stunned silence.

"Isn't that…kind of…_bad_?" Kanon finally asked, her voice betraying a slight edge of fear.

Endelyon smiled confidently.

And that was the first difference I've seen between Endelyon and Elsie during this entire conversation. They were both quite simple, but Endelyon's look of confidence…it was far less naïve.

"Shall we go?" she ventured, stacking together the plates and utensils with a cool _clink_.

* * *

_**Tidbit: Just finished reading Artemis Fowl: The Last Guardian. I'm almost surprised at the parallels I seem to find between it and this fic. Though I did kinda model this Keima after Artemis, a little. Still, no way in heck am I able to bring out a more brilliant conclusion than Artemis.**_


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